Expert: Norm Bishop - 9/14/2004

Question
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Followup To
Question -

My son, Ben, is 13 and in the 8th grade.  He is on medication for ADHD.  The school year has just started and we've had several instances of forgetting to bring assignments & text books home.  

I want to do more than rant and rave.  I am an ADDer myself and want to work out a system that works for him.  I don't believe he intends to not bring things home but often school work doesn't find its way home.  

Also, if asked if his homework is done he will say "yes" yet upon further review not all of the questions of a worksheet are complete.  

I don't know if this is related to his ADD or not but he tends to cry easily.  If he doesn't want to fix his incorrect problems, review for a test, clean his room etc... or gets emotional about other things his eyes get red and tears up.

Ideas?  Thanks

Karl
Answer -
Yes, you are describing direct effects of ADD.  Often time they beleive the homework is done when it is not, or that it was handed in and was not, and, on and on.  

Since students with ADD cannot organize all of the school requirements, like above, the best approach is to create a system between yourself, his teachers, and, of course, him, that will keep you informed of what he has to complete, by when, and provide back up's when he forgets.  I would suggest that you discuss this with his teacher(s).  Many school districts today have websites that will keep the homework due in a particular place for parents to see.  If that doesn't exist, then perhaps a daily or weekly assignment sheet or notebook that goes between you and the teacher(s).  He has responsibility to get it back and forth.  If the teacher(s) can get you a copy of each assignment, all the better.  As he gets older, he will need to take more and more responsibility for the system, to the point where it eventually becomes his total responsibility.  

His tearing and being upset is an honest response.  He just didn't remember that he hadn't finished, or did it so fast that he missed a whole section.  Handle that with compassion, but you still have to have pretty high expectations.  The two can work well together!  

If you have further questions, feel free.

Norm

Norm,

Thanks,

He has an IEP but often forgets to ask the teacher for notes.  He has an assignment notebook but he doesn't always remember to write down all the appropriate assignment information and it is often illegible.  This makes it more challenging for him to be in controll and stay on top of things.

He wants to do well but the lack of organization makes climbing this mountain much steeper than it has to be.

Karl  

Answer
I would recommend that you have "back-up" systems in place.  While he might have the responsibility to ask the teacher to write down his assignments, at the same time the teacher is sending you the assignments via email.  He gets praised and rewarded when he remembers to get them written down, but if he should forget, you have the information and can assist him in getting it done.  I like to have a "system" in place for rewarding him.  I might create a chart that would give him a gold star or points for remembering to get his assignments written in the notebook, he also gets stars or points for getting assignments completed, he also gets the same for handing them in appropriately...so he might have 10 possible areas to get points, which when earned can be redeemed for something he really wants (like his favorite meal, or a desert, movie, etc.)  This type of system sometimes seems extreme, but it will begin to replace the ADD symptoms with systems that he can use in life.  

I have a 22 year old ADD son, who is still ADD, and still demonstrates that he is on a regular basis.  However, because we have given him organizational systems...he can and will organize if it is important enough to him.  He is a senior in college, 5 years ago I would not have predicted acceptance in college, yet alone, obtaining a degree with decent grades even.  

I hope I have given you some food to chew on.  Sounds like your son is a great kid with some big challenges.  Hang in there, it is a mountain for him, and a chore for you as well.  In the long run he sounds like he is worth the battle.

Norm