Expert: Norm Bishop - 12/1/2007

Question
I have a brother with the behavior problems that come with ADHD such as at 15 he is cursing people out and is an at-risk teen. I am 11 years older, but I had ADHD and still do and know I only have 10% control over it with no control over it as a kid. With my brother's behavior as long as he doesn't physically hurt anyone or do anything deemed immoral should I work to get my parents to treat it the same as if he was talking fast like me or when I was little running around like a maniac. They always talked gently to me after correcting me to be sure I knew if I'd made a mistake. I cooperated when little and it became harder when I was 10 and would say "no" or "shut up". I outgrew the parts that effect family by 12 though I now have terrible social anxiety from always being corrected. So in my brothers case how mad should one get, of course the ultimate judging is for those who know him and his doctors, and how much of it is out of his hands like telling a blind person to see.

Answer
This is always a difficult area to determine when you don't know the person described.  I believe that you get more change out of people when they are dealt with in a calm, direct, but honest, manner.  I would try to stay unangry, and in a matter of fact method point out the bad choices that your brother is making.  With that much anger, he could benefit from counseling.  ADD/ADHD is enough of a problem, but to turn the impulsiveness into anger can be dangerous to your brother and other people around him, it could even result in an assault that puts you brother into legal problems.  

If he does not take medication, he should consider controlled studies on his own diet.  In recent years we have discovered that often things in the diet contribute to the ADD/ADHD...the common culprits are raw processed sugar, food dyes, preservatives added to foods, and wheat glutton.  I find that it is best to cut back or eliminate one of these at at time for a period of at least a month.  If it doesn't make a difference, then that isn't it.  Then move on to another.  Another research thing is lack of appropriate sleep...have him describe his sleeping patterns...does he get 8 to 10 hours of solid sleep per night, does he get up a lot, does he snore excessively, all of which are indications of inequality sleep.  

You may want to examine those things with yourself as well.

What you say about your brother's reaction, that it is like talking to a deaf person, is true of most teen agers.  They are invincible and they know it all, until sometime in their mid 20's when reality strikes.  In spite of their seemingly not hearing or seeing, keep talking, they are really hearing it...just not changing the behavior that demonstrates they have heard.

If you have further questions, feel free.  I apologize for the length of time, for some reason I did not receive e-mail that told me this message was waiting.

Norm