Expert: Christine D. DeLoatch, MA CCC-SLP - 6/14/2007

Question
Hi,
I realize this is probably a strange question but I am at my wits end and have no idea of what to do and I am running out of time!

I have a 21 year old daughter who is 7 months pregnant and has ADD (she has never been officially diagnosed with it but I know she has it as much as I know I must have had it all of my life!).  I have pretty much outgrown most of my problems - only to wind up in my 50's with MS, lupus and various other autoimmune disorders - all making me extremely tired and with an excuse for my "laziness".  I, too, am easily confused, though and hard to get started with NO starting point.  My daughter is even worse than I EVER was.  Her room has always been a pig's sty and the floor has rarely been visible.  Up until now, that was fine as I just ignored it and told her it was her room and refused to go in it.  But.....she is pregnant and is not going to marry the dad - so she will be living here - in THAT room!  It is a big room - plenty big enough for her bed plus baby furniture, etc.  We cannot even think of a shower for her because there is no place to put her stuff!  She is so bad that she has her mattress slid about a fourth of the way over in order to provide a sort of ledge for her empty cups, papers, etc. and it is full all the way down - a horrible, horrible mess!

I got in there one day and started sorting clothes and washing them (off the floor) but I got sick one day - and that was all it took for it to go right back to its original state.  Her older brother and sister just think she is plain lazy and refuses to start working on her room but I know differently.  I, too, have junk in the house for my Ebay hobby.  I have a new storage building that I need to move it to but simply do not know where to start and can't seem to get moving.  But...mine is of no importance as far as time.  Her's is.  We HAVE to get the nursery set up - in case of early delivery, etc. and just so I can feel easy about it all.  She needs a new dresser and chest of drawers but I cannot get those (so I can put the baby clothes, etc. that I already have) until I have a place to put them and we literally cannot get to those objects in her room!

I want to get her room completely cleaned out this next week, the new furniture bought and a baby bed set up!  Can you tell me the BEST way to do it?  I cannot even seem to think anymore and I am getting frantic on top of it.  Should I just pile all of the stuff on the floor in plastic bags and worry about all of it later on (she has always thought clothes were worn ONE time and thrown on the floor - never to be seen again) - or keep on trying to get them washed?  Remember - I am almost as bad - or maybe worse - than she is and I am held back by my bad days that jump on me (as she is since this has not been a really easy pregnancy for her).

We both need HELP and some ideas to get this done quickly!  You cannot see her floor or even walk across to her bed without walking all over clothes and things under them and junk is everywhere.  I am so confused!

Thanks so much!  

Answer
Dear Linda,

Thanks for asking me your question.  

Let's begin with a deep breath and a glass of water.  If you are Christian, I suggest you ask God for His help.

Now you will be ready to begin.  I suggest you work in shifts.  I also suggest you work to your strengths.  

If you and she pile things up, then this approach should work - maybe with a few modifications.

I suggest the sort & conquer approach.  


Step 1  Under bed

Pull everything out from underneath the bed.

Step 2 (Cups and dishes)

I would start will all of the cups/dishes that need to in the kitchen to be washed.  Once that is done I would move the bed back.  If there are spills from where the cups have been sitting, go ahead and spot clean the areas on the box spring - after it's dry move it back. Another deep breath, a sip of water and cross off step 2 on your list.  

During this process - I suggest you also begin to make some rules.  Your daughter needs to be invested in this process and agree that she is going to work hard on maintaining the organization.  

"Reminder - Organization is a process not an End."

Step 3  (Trash)

Once the cups/dishes are out of the room I would throw away any trash you can visibly see.  (No lifting up clothes yet.)  Another deep breath, a sip of water and cross off step 3 on your list.

Step 4.  (Clothes)

Tackle the clothes, any that are in the room (the closet is for a different day).  Sort all the clothes.  (if you are like me, then you feel uncomfortable not knowing what is dirty and what is clean and therefore may want to wash everything just to be on the safe side.  (Option 2 is to smell the clothes and see if they have that laundry scent & wash all the rest - Option 2 takes longer here - but may save you some time washing clothes - it also could get you distracted & tired so if there is a fatigue factor which you indicated, I suggest option 1 - just sort & wash everything. Sheets should be stripped & washed from the bed also.  

FYI -  If you are like me, I didn't even know what order to wash many loads of clothes in.  My mother told me she washes in this order.  Whites, beige/tan/yellow,  greens/blacks/blues & red/purples last.  Blues are pretty neutral so you can do it in reverse order too if you just need the reds washed first.  

If you can pile them in the hallway or someone else's bedroom if you don't have a laundry room, that would help you better see what else you need to work on.  

Put those whites in the washer to wash while you go on to step 5.  

Take another deep breath, a sip of water and cross off step 4 on your list.

Step 5. (Trash again)

Look over the room.  Again trash anything that you know to be trash.  If you can get your daughter to part with any old magazines (without looking at them) - great!

Again - I suggest a rule about food in her room.  With the exception of baby bottles, I suggest that she not take food into her room.  

Step 6 - I suggest you look at where you are & then take a break. (15 minutes max.  A light snack only.  If you eat anything too heavy you won't want to come back to work.   

Step 7, dealing with paper stuff.  

I imagine that there will be papers & maybe books or magazines. You'll need 2 or more boxes here.  Pile all the books in one box if they will not fit on a bookcase in the room. Pile all the magazines in a box &  pile all the papers in a box.  You'll need a permanent marker to write what is on the box & set a target date for her to go through the boxes & have them empty.  Later have someone either alone if it's a guy or together if it's ladies move the boxes - to either the bottom of her closet if the floor is empty, in a garage or stacked up in a corner of the room.  

Take another deep breath, a sip of water and cross off step 6 on your list. Check on the clothes - another load can probably go into the washer & the first into the dryer.

Step 8 ( residuals - shoes)
Now you may still have shoes out there.  Shoes need to go into the closet - bedroom (if they will fit on the floor or if you have an over the door rack or front closet if you you leave your shoes near the front door.  If any shoes are too small or she just doesn't like them - they need to be tossed.  Due to time constraints - I will not suggest taking things to goodwill.  Trash is faster.

Step 9.  Vacuum.  

If the floor is clear - I hope it is - go ahead and vacuum.  Since the baby will be sleeping here - you may try some Febreeze - Allergen reducer spray for the curtains - Especially if you don't have time to take them down to wash them.  

Step 10 Finish the laundry and Plan.  

The hard part will be the laundry.  The laundry has to be hung up, folded and put away.  It is a must for the crossing off of step 10.

Plan

Now you should be able to see the bulk of the furniture.  You should be able to get a sense for the space too.  If the space is small you can consider a bassinet instead of a crib at first.  You can have your daughter use under-bed boxes (you may need to invest in bed risers - they cost about $20 )- for her own clothes and use the top 2 drawers of her dresser for the baby.  You can also use a second hanging 'diaper like bag - with a flat bottom to store things like onesies, receiving blankets, baby blankets and sheets.  They usually hand on the side of the baby's crib.  A short dresser can also be used as the changing table - so long as you get one of those foam pads that have rounded sides.

Well that is my personalized plan of attack for.  Don't forget to pack the emergency bag for the hospital - with coupons for fast food and phone numbers to call.  

Congratulations & Many Blessings.  I hope that I have been helpful.

Christine