Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/21/2008

Question
Dear Dennis,

There is this guy at my grad school named Mo that I've met once or twice and just thought he was a cool guy. He was real cool. Mad cool.

He helped me and my friends move to a new apartment and showed us around town, just seemed like a normal, friendly guy. So I let him come over and use my internet in my room because he doesnt have a hookup in his house.

My roommates dad was here for a week also and he helped us set stuff up.

Well then Mo started acting REALLY crazy and following me around. He would randomly show up at my doorstep at random times during the day and invite himself over to our personal dinner parties, then he would show up at odd hours of the night without calling, bang on my windows in the middle of the night to say hi, just invite himself over and plop down on our couch watching tv and eat our food.

He would be waiting outside of my bedroom for hours and once I saw him and was like, hi, and he was like I was waiting for hours for my buddies and I to use your internet. Hmmm.

So I said, well her dad is here this week, but maybe next week after he leaves, you can use it all you want.

So he started getting mad and said "when is your roommates dad going to fucking leave?" really loudly. i dont think the father heard but he may have.

I said, you know, the guy is really strict, he's leaving in a few days just come back then. he started yelling at me. "It's all in your head Ann. You're the crazy one. Her dad thinks I'm cool and he doesnt mind when I come over whenever I want. You're the one that's pyschotic. It's all in your head."

Now he is randomly showing up and banging on my windows at like 3 am, 4 am etc. I am too scared to answer.

OH MY GOD.

Ok dennis...how do I stop this situation from escalating...how do i deal with a man such as this...

Answer
Hello Ann!

Regardless of whether you feel obligated or not for him helping you, this is way out of hand.

First, you shouldn't confront this guy yourself - at least not in person or alone. I suggest you do one of the following:

If you have his phone number, text him a clear, specific message that he's no longer welcome over at your house - ever. You're not going to let him in at all and if he shows up, you're going to call the police. Don't go into the why's or issues here at all and don't apologize. Just be plain and specific.

If you don't have his phone number, I suggest you get a trusted male friend to help you. Here's what you need to do. If he shows up again, call your male friend to come over when he's there. Have the friend tell him specifically to leave and not to come back with you by his side. If this guy thinks you're not 100% behind this, he's not going to get the message. Make sure the guy knows this isn't about a physical battle, you're just trying to convey a message to him.

Finally, if this doesn't work you're going to have to get the cops involved. You might also need to change your phone number if he has it.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
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