Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/2/2008

Question
I met this guy recently who is very caring, sweet, kind and respectful. We met, had instant chemistry and connected so well. He is everything a woman would want in a man. The time we spend together he made me feel that he was completely into me, made me believe that we were in love and started referring to us as we. At the same time as he sees I am in and emotional with me he goes and warns me that he has commitment fears and doesn't want to hurt me. He tells me not to fall in love with him at the same time toys with me and talks to me as he is in love with me. Everytime I talk to him he makes me want him even more and makes me think he is perfect for me...I already have my emotions involved with him but as soon as I distance myself and think logically I ask the following...Is he a player? Is he using reverse psychology on me...to tell me I am amazing and not to fall with him to make me want him more? Is he to be trusted? Is he trying to be free of guilt by telling me not to get involved with him...so if I do he can say I warned you? Emotional part of me wants to believe that he is for real just confused/scared whereas the logical side of me thinks he is playing mind games with me using tactics of psychology? Would love your expert opinion? What would your advise be to handle this situation...many thanks.

Answer
Whatever it is, it isn't good.  He tells you not to fall in love with him, which means if you do, you are on your own.  This is a way (conscious or not), or getting carte blanche permission for him to take no responsibility whatsoever. Free of guilt is one way to put it.  However, hear what he said.

No doubt this has worked in the past - most people don't like to be told what to do, so telling women not to fall in love with him has probably worked for him in the past.  Whether he means this intentionally or not doesn't matter.  Don't fall for it.  Please note that you know intellectually that he is "toying" with you.  Learn to avoid this early in life, please.

This sort of ploy is a big hook for women.  I suggest you get out while the getting's good.  

All the best,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc