Expert: Azure - 1/16/2008

Question
Five months ago a new guy was employed at my workplace, and at the
very first sight I liked him. At first I thought that he was available
because he was always flirting with me, staring at me when I wasn't
looking and people around us started noticing. But it turned out that he had
a girlfriend for almost 8 years. In the meantime, many things happened
- we started hanging out together a lot, mostly on his initiative and
with his friends where he presented me as a friend from work. We have a
great time always when we are together, but the problem is I'm
beginning to fall in love with him. And the other problem is that on several
occasions when we had a little too much to drink we passed the boundaries
of friendship, once we were even intimate, but only once. I couldn't
stop that and I think that neither could he. There was just too much
chemistry in the air and the attraction between us is simply irresistible.
We look at each other with deep long looks, we always do some sweet
talks, he speaks gently to me, and I'm more and more into him as the days
go by. Anyway, the girlfriend is real, although he used to tell me
without being asked that they were having fights all the time.  But
something else happened and it came as a surprise to me - few days ago, when
he began realizing that I am falling for him and that we are becoming
closer each day, he suddenly started a conversation and told me that he
can't leave his girlfriend easily after 8 years, that he loves her and
that he doesn't want to see me get hurt if he stays with her, that it
isn't fair neither to me nor to her, although he said, I quote "You
don't know how much I want to kiss you and be with you even this very
moment". I am sooooo CONFUSED. Can he love her if he wants to be with me at
the same time? Did he become afraid of us getting closer, so he had to
push me a little away for a while? What's going on? Is there a
possible happy ending to my story?

Answer
there's an ending, not sure about "happy"; the guy was at least sufficiently honest to tell you what the deal is; instinctively, guys have no problem being attracted to, and reaping the benefits of the company of another female while having the security of a main squeeze; but as you're seeing, the interest in you doesn't include, (as is usually the case), an interest in giving up the girlfriend; his guilt in the matter finally led him to express the realities as he did; so now you can choose to be essentially the "girl on the side" that he cheats with, or keep your self-eseem intact,  not settle for less than you deserve, and end it until such a time that he's free--just realize that chances are he's not giving her up for you in the forseeable future..