Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/31/2008

Question
I've recently decided that I'd be interested in going out with a man who works with the same charity that I do (different branches, though).  Unfortunately, my ability to flirt (and gauge interest) is apparently not up to snuff and he's not the type to pick up on these things.  Also unfortunate is the fact that I recently had a conversation with him about whether I might have unintentionally offended him or made him uncomfortable around me, as he seemed to respond differently to me than to others in the same context (apparently ignoring me when I would try to talk to him or making small talk difficult, but talking to me in situations in which I completely would not have noticed had he walked right by without a word).  His response to a potentially very awkward conversation was what brought me to the conclusion that I was indeed interested in getting to know him better.  I know I'm interested, and I know that we share some commonalities, but I have no idea if he's interested whatsoever.  Though neither of us is particularly talkative, I'm willing to ask him out, but I know that a lot of men don't take this terribly well.  So:  what does one do in a situation like this?

Answer
Hello T!

Interestingly, the number of men that don't like being asked out on a date by a woman is dwindling. This is so "last millennium"!

You definitely want to get your flirting skills in check because whether you use them on this guy or not, you will use them in the future.

The problem you seem to have is getting his attention. This is where one flirting skill can help you. One day when you're dressed well, feel strong and confident and have some business-related topic to talk to him about, just go up to him and talk to him about the issue. Joke around some and see if you can get him to smile. When you're done with your chat (or even before!) just mention that he seems "interesting" and that you'd like to get to know him a little better over a drink - like maybe this weekend?

Frankly, you can even use a business-related context to meet up with him if you like. "Let's have a drink and talk about this...", etc. The point however is to have some context to approach - and to close him.

You may be interested in something that I'm working on right now. It's an e-book about how women can learn to approach men - both those they already know and even strangers. Women have a number of tools that men don't and by learning to use them, you can cause men to approach you as well has handle the entire approach yourself! Watch my website (http://beingaman.com) for details.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"