Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/2/2008

Question
how do i work on my social skills like how do i do that.i feel bad because i am not good looking ,slim,tall with charm and flirting but i feel any thing i do is just no good.i pick the guys  who reject me.nearly 27 years and never had a boyfreind is very pathetic very pathetic.i am shy and quiet. i don,t know what guys and what they don,t like .i feel so stupid that i never had a boyfreind never got a proper kiss like i see people do.i feel like freak because no guy i have ever liked has liked me back,its as simple as that.???????????????????????????

the odds are stack against me.if you don,t act desperate how are suppose to get boyfreind if you don,t.look i don,t understand that at all.

Answer
You work on them one step at a time. There's plenty of free advice on the Internet.  Shy and quiet?  Well you can learn to reach out a little.  Become interested in other people, not in your own concerns.  Ask people about themselves and show interest, which will become real interest.  Watch how other people do it who are more outgoing.  You said you cannot hire a coach, but that's the best choice, someone to work with you personally on this. Being "shy and quiet" is a passive position.  You are waiting for other people to come to you, and that's not the way it works.  

Being shy and quiet leaves you out of the big picture.  You only have to change a few things, a little at a time.

It is a shame what the media does re: the appearance of women.  If you will get out of movies and newspapers and magazines, and take a look around you, you will see that is fantasy.  I believe the average dress size in the US is sz 14.  We all have something to offer.  You will see many women married, who look many different ways, and the same with men.  It is the internal qualities that matter.  As a client of mine said who married a woman he considered "gorgeous," who took him to the bank, "If only she had been as beautiful on the inside..."  

If you compare yourself to a movie star, as my mom used to say, "you have to take the whole package."  Probably your life is better than hers on the whole.  Beauty is only skin deep, and their personal lives run the gamut.  We all have our ups and downs in life.  

Get off the desperation of never having been kissed and start working on what you can give to someone in a relationship, from friends on upward.  To have a friend, you must be one.  

I suggest again that you stop comparing yourself to others.    That's depressing and pointless.  

All the best,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc