Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 11/17/2008

Question
I have been talking to this guy for about 8months now...we've been hanging out and just having fun (we've also had sex! two of his best friends work with me and thats how i met him! when i asked him about a relationship he gave me lots of excuses like i've been alone for so long i jus thought that i would be for the rest of my life...are age difference which is 11years i'm 18 bout to be 19 next month and he just turned 30! it's not a problem with me he just seems scared he says your only 18 why are you looking for a serious relationship? or he says i dont want us to get serious then you say what am i doin with you when theres so many other guys out there! but i dont feel that way at all i really care bout him and he seems to care about me to...he also has said im really mature for my age so i dont get it! We hang out all the time i have clothes and things at his house and he treats me like his girlfriend...so i dont know what the problem is! i havent brought up a relationship in a while b/c the last time i did he pushed away and wasnt talking to me as much or hanging out as much! so please help me understand...is he just scared and needs time...i've been trying to prove to him that i'm worth it and i really do care about him but please help

Answer
Dear Kristy,

I never like saying this, but I think you are confused because you are refusing to see what you see.  Hanging out, just having fun, and sex can mean absolutely nothing to a man except that; and that may be all he wants.  And since you have gone ahead and moved things in, what is the impetus for him to change the 'relationship'?  It sounds like he's getting what he wants

... and you are not.

You should not be in a position of proving to a man who loves you, and wants a real relationship with you, that you are "worthy" of it.  

Look at it this way - what would you say to a girl friend in this situation who said she didn't "understand"?  

Pay attention to the actions of a man more than the words.  You did not ask what to do, so I'm not offering that advice, but I think you can imagine what I would say.

Warm regards,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc
THE DATING COACH BLOG:  http://datingcoachblog.blogspot.com