Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/12/2008

Question
hi
i was woundering how do i get nerdy type intersted in me and i am making fun of them.i like this type of nerdy type guy he bit older then me.this guy i am scared stiff to talk to he my teaches me computers at a course  and he fixs my computer.he tall 6ft and weres glasses,not a fit guy.but he seems nice then aagin i don,t know .but i don,t any thing about him.and afraid to ask.for all i know he list of girlfreind legth bretah of the phone for all i know.while he tecahses i am always looking at him.will he get mad at me for looking at him.he kind akwardard to talk to.and i get shy around him and turn red faced.
i know i sound like school girl crush .i am 27 yaers old.
nerved had boyfreind for once i,d like to have one.
i am shy ,nervous,quiet,overweight,short,not really pretty and very brainy as i,d like to be.

a few a years ago i,d like this geeky guy and he rejeted me.what does that say about picking a guy who most girls woun,t give the time of day rejected me.

i am afraid of getting mad at me for looking at him.there a screen at the back of him.

i find some geeky ,nerdy guys appealing because intelligent and well mannered.sweet,even guy geeky and nerdy guys with there toys rejected .i am afraid he,ll say some to me.

fo all i know this guy could have a bikini clad beauty a girlfreind.and i am just a plain jane .doing my best.

Answer
Hello Ann!

Don't be so sure that this guy has a bikini-clad beauty waiting in the wings. Trust me, I talk to them all the time and that's rarely the case!

What you need to do is to maximize your assets. You may be overweight and short, but that doesn't mean you can't work other things. No person is "ugly", there are only those that know how to work their assets from those that don't.

If you need to, get a girlfriend to help you or visit a makeup counter for some tips. When you see him next, you need to have your makeup and wardrobe in full-on attack mode!

In making eye contact, just be aware that you can look at him, but don't stare. It's far better to hold his gaze just a little too long and then to look down and to the side. This is a natural body-language signal of interest. Some guys pick this up and some don't - it just depends on the guy.

Likewise, you should throw a few compliments in there. Just casually mention some of the things you find interesting about him. If you're attracted to his intelligence, then mention it. If you like his height, then mention it, etc. A few well-placed compliments will do you much good here.

Hopefully, he picks up on this and will move things forward, but don't be surprised if he doesn't. The reality is that most guys simply don't know how. You may need to do this for him.

You do this by simply saying, "You know, we should get to know each other a little better outside of class. Why don't we get together for a drink sometime?" If he comes back with anything positive (he will by the way) then say, "Great. Which night is better for you, Friday or Saturday?" Have a couple of dates in mind and let him choose. Then, be absolutely clear on when and where you're going to meet.

Bingo! You have a date!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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