Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 11/16/2008

Question
I started dating this guy about 8 months ago. In the begining everything went great. We get along great. WE like the same things, can talk for hours, had amazing sex. I completely fell in love with him. Both of us however have had at a rough year. He has had some financial problems and has really focused on his career. I recently moved and have had some family issues too. After about six months of dating one night I went out with a friend and called him to see if he wanted to join us. Coincidently He was already at the place we were going to (truly a coincidence I had NO idea he was there). He told me to come meet him there. When I arrived he acted very cold to me. We I asked why he was acting like that he said he wanted to slow things down. For the next month we spoke on the  phone a few times a week but did not see each other. So after a month of speaking almost every day but not seeing each other I asked him what was going on with us he assured me that he cared about me and that he just "didn"t know" what he wanted. It has been a month since that conversation and I called him two or tree times but he never called me back. I really care about him and for the first time in my life though I had found 'THE ONE". Previous to him I was in a long term relationship and was engaged, and still never felt this way. I feel like I lost my best friend. I am devasted. Why is he avoiding me?

Answer
Dear Christine,

I'm so sorry this happened.  It sounds like he wasn't really ready and also that it went too far too fast.

It's up to the woman to pace a relationship so the man doesn't get cold feet and back off.  It may be he will think it over and come back.  In the meantime, hard as it is, let him alone and find ways to distract yourself.

There is nothing worse than being involved with a man who doesn't know what he wants.  You don't want to be there.  

It's always heartbreaking when this happens and my heart goes out to you.  There's nothing you can do until he sorts things out.  It looks like you may have been the "transitional" woman.  He got involved with you before he knew what he was doing.  

I can give you some tips on what you watch out for in the future if you would like some coaching.

Other than that, this happens to us women and is very sad.  You didn't do anything wrong.  He just didn't know what he was doing, and kept on getting involved.

All the best,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc