Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/22/2008

Question
"I am 24 year old young woman.I generally had some fiasco relationships and most of
the time boys deluded me or they changed in time.My ex boyfriend loved me so much
but also failed in many many things and i ended up in depression and hated men and
relations though I am a real love to love person.Later i met another one who
contacted me on internet by means of a friend of mine.We talked for long hours and
for days.Everyday he said he would come to see me but he never came and also
insisted that i gotta trust him and so on.I told him that as i was feeling really
hurt for my last relationship I do not feel ready for someone else but later he
persuaded me but it seemed soo virtual as he always said my love I am coming to you
today,tomorrow,friday,sunday but actually NEVER.And he also prayed me for giving him
a chance.And when I SAİD ok he quit calling me.He said look you misunderstood
we are friends..or even if we get together that would be hard ..we live in one hour
distance cities,,I am a bad boy and you are a very good and nice girl so I fear
hurting you..and so on ..Imagine how i felt..Later he stopped calling me and i felt
like a jerk and I called him for learning the why but he answered me badly or did
not answer and lately he told my friend that it was me that was insisting to have a
relation.I felt shot  once again.Now i really desire and want to find this man of my
dreams for which i am waiting for so long,believe me.So please give me a hand to
find him.I really want to have a tranquil and loving relationship which would ended
up in marriage also.Please tell me how to do this...Thanks for all..wish you the
best.."


Answer
Hello Mare!

I'm sorry to hear about this story, and your general problems in finding a good guy. However, not every guy is a jackass - some are really great people!

Here's what I think is going on: it's not that you're attracting jerks, you're ATTRACTED to jerks! The guys you like are probably just the kind that mistreat you and those that are really nice, normal guys don't do it for you.

I think you need to change your focus.

Now, here's some good news: you don't have to wait around for only these guys to approach you. You can learn to approach great guys too - and in fact, many guys actually appreciate it! I just put up a new e-book on my website (http://beingaman.com) all about how women can learn to approach men - and win with them. I suggest you check it out.

In the meantime, you need to do some work on two things: 1) your goals and 2) yourself.

If you don't have any goals that's the very first place to start. It's not enough to simply say, "I want a nice guy..." You need to define him EXACTLY. You need to decide everything you can think of including: looks, attitude, where he's from, family, politics, his friends, what he does for a living, etc., etc., etc. This isn't something that you can define in just a few minutes or hours. It often takes days to get all of this worked out.

In addition, you need goals for your relationship too. Think about exactly what you want and how your relationship will be when you find this guy. Be as complete as you can here too.

Once you've done this, you can then sit down and decide what you have to become in order to meet this guy of your dreams. Who is HE looking for? What skills, energies, beliefs, etc., do you need to have? How about your looks? Are the up-to-date and will they match his dreams? What about your lifestyle, do you have the time you need to build a relationship with him, etc.

As you do these things, you begin to program your mind to actually find what you're looking for. It's an amazing process that as you create these things, instantly, opportunities begin presenting themselves.

That's why you have to get started right away - who knows when this guy of your dreams is going to show up?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
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