Expert: Lanay Stockstill - 11/17/2008

Question
About 3 months ago, my ex-boyfriend whom I loved more than anyone returned to propose that we get married and have children. He professed that he never stopped loving me, but just disappeared because he felt that he did not deserve me and I was too good to be true. This would have been the greatest highlight of my life had I not been going out with his friend for a year already at the time. I admit that I would have been able to leave his friend in an instant, for him. However, this has put a strain on both relationships as he has disappeared again, claiming that, the fact that I was going out with his 'not so close friend', has changed everything. I accepted that, as I admitted all the guilt for the deceit. However, sometimes I feel that he went through all that trouble, just to break us up. I am not sure how genuine he was. I have broken up with the 'friend'. Now months after the talk, I still feel that I should sit him down and explain that my actions were not to hurt him. Now that my mind is less occupied with studies, I find myself thinking more and more about him. He was not the most attentive guy during our relationship, and this makes me wonder if, he is worth pursuing. In fact his friend, is a much better companion, yet I feel attracted to the ex-boyfriend more. This confusion is driving me crazy.  The biggest question, where would I even start repairing this relationship, is it repairable, is it worth repairing? Am I just obessing over this, because I now feel ready to settle and have children and he is the only one who has made the offer?


Answer
Hi there,

You must be completely frustrated with this ex.  Just when things are going good, he either disappears or reappears to throw a monkey wrench in your life.  I imagine how that might make you afraid to move.

This ex of yours may have made the offer, but he is not reliable.  You don't need to explain anything.  Did he expect you to wait for him to have this revelation of his?  That's a bit arrogant, and it sounds like he would have freaked out again.  He sure was quick to take off again.  

Besides, if he was not that great or attentive in your relationship, he will not be any more attentive now, and he pretty much took back his offer when he made his excuses again to disappear.  A guy that really values you will be understanding and try to make a relationship work.

If you want more of that disappearing act, go for it, but I think you are better off letting that relationship go.  Find someone you like being with; someone you are attracted to; and someone you can trust will stick around and work on your relationship.  

Just because you were asked once doesn't mean you won't be asked again.    Don't think this is the only chance you have.  You will have another or more if you desire it.

I hope this helps,

Lanay
www.datingmadeeasyforwomen.com