Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 11/29/2008

Question
I started liking this guy last year or the year before and we both live in the same court, one day i saw him riding his bike outside and i thought he was quite cute. So on valentines day i thought i would write him one and put it in his letterbox so i did, the next day he comes to my house and thanks me for it and we start talking and became good friends he used to come over with his parents. Then after we started catching the bus with two of his friends, and he sometimes ignores me is it because of his friends around and he likes me?? and one day after school he came to my house and we were going to watch a dvd and my mum was on the couch and he was sitting on the other couch but once my mum got up he quickly came and sat next to me what does it mean?? and then i went to his house and when i was leaving he wanted to walk me home was he falling for me? and when i asked him if he wanted to hang out at the shops or something he always said no and used to text me i cant because i got karate and i don't want to hang out is it because hes shy to hang out at the shops? and we went out for 2 months, but the day we broke up he came to our house and denied everything that we were never a couple in front of my parents and his mum i don't know why he denied everything was he protecting me? and didn't want anyone to know? and then on msn he blocked me for some reason and once he came on he used to be mean to me and call me rude names and he made me jealous that he had a girlfriend but he didn't does he still like me? and he sent me emails to saying he still loves me and misses me and when i asked him at school his friends were with him and said no i didn't send you emails when he did he sometimes lies to me is it because he doesn't want to show his feelings to me and because of his friends around? i still like this guy alot and i cant let this guy its been 2 years and i cant let him go and i don't know how he still feels, i feel he still likes me but not sure. can you please give me some advice!!i really like this guy alot still.I have realized his friends lately have been saying hello to me to, and sometimes his friends are asking questions about him to and sometimes saying that he likes me still and teasing him sometimes when i walk past them and teasing me to are they getting my attention because they know i like him and that he still likes me? and why are his friends talking to me? they just being nice? or is he talking to his friends about me because he still likes me? i need help!! and i don't know how to talk to him about this im very scared alot that when i go up to him at school he might tell me to go away and he never goes on msn to chat online, so i don't know im very scared, what else can i do to get him? im scared to walk up to him at school. ITS URGENT!! HELP ME!!

Answer
Dear Maria,

I'm sorry this has happened to you.  It's very confusing that he came on to you but then was mean to you and also lied about what happened.

Whenever some guy makes you this confused and unhappy, you need to think about that, not how much you liked him when he was being good to you, or your hopes of what it might be in the future.  

It will drive you nuts to try and be around someone who blocks you on msn one day then sends you an email the next day saying he still loves you and misses you. You're asking me "why" he does these things, and what it means.  The answer to that is that he isn't a good person to get involved with because he is confusing.  Either he doesn't know what he's doing, or he's ambivalent and scared, and not ready for a relationship.  There is nothing you can do about that, and nothing that you did wrong, so don't take this personally.  I know you're sad and would like it to work out, but this guy is just all over the place.  

This is a situation where is you pursue, you can't win.  It sounds like the posh-pull thing that will drive you nuts.  One day he seems to like you, the next day he doesn't.  You call him and he's cold.  Then he calls you and he's warm.

You don't want this guy the way he is right now.  You should back off and stay away from him, don't walk up to him at school.  Why should you?  You'll just get more of this confusing, hurtful stuff.  If he comes up to talk to you, you can be friendly, but don't try and figure out what he's doing and don't read things in to what he says.  A guy who is really interested in a woman behaves differently.  It sounds like a case where you will have to be the one to "end it" and move on.  If you keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to keep getting what you've been getting.  And you don't want this kind of roller coaster road.

If he should change in the future in his behavior to you, then you could give him a second chance.  But with a guy, pay attention to their actions (how he treats you), not so much his words, of what his friends or others say.

There is someone better out there for you.  Learning to let go  of something that doesn't work is something we all need to learn.  You don't want to get in the habit of sticking in situation (mentally) that aren't working, and aren't good for you.

I wish I could be more helpful.  Basically, if he were interested in dating you, he would be, and he would be treating you like a girlfriend.  You 'attracted' him in the first place but it just didn't work out.  

Take care,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc