Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 12/13/2008

Question
I'm 36 year old single mom , who hasn't has a date in about 10 months . I met Jason who is 23 at work . He's very attractive,funny and goal oriented . We had a drunken kiss one night when a few of us went for drinks after work.From that point we flirted a lot at work and text outside of work.His concern has always been that if we got together it would be awkard for us both at work and he didn't want to jeopordize either of our jobs. We shared a few more kisses and I explained to him that I had a crush on him and he then asked me out!After our date we fooled around a little (he got oral I got nothing)Which left me feeling a little played which I verbalized to him. He said he didn't know it was like that and he would stop flirting with me . Of course that didn't happen . He would then get jeolous when I would interact with customers or co-workers or make little comments whenever I walked by. He said he wants to wait until one of us transfers before we go any further and He plans on transfering next month.I'm starting to feel like I'm in highschool and he just likes the attention and never plans on pursuing anything. People at work are always questioning if there is something going on because of "how we are with each other". How do I figure out if he is just stringing me along for the attention or genuinly has feelings for me . This is turning into a roller coaster ride and I need to know how to get off!!!

Answer
You know that song ... people always know.

But what is it they "know"?  Physical attraction or chemistry,which is all YOU know at this point.

The way to find out is to back off and wait and see if he takes action.  If he wants to ask you out on a real date, he will.  Don't just "slop into this.  Set your limits.  A date is something you ask for in advance, you go somewhere, and then you go home.  Alone.  Hold off on any sort of sex until you find out where he's coming from.  It may already be too late for that.  If you read my column, you see that I always recommend holding off on the sex as long as possible.

Because it means something to women and seems to get us fantasizing, not thinking clearly, and, as you say, the roller coaster ride.  It does not always means anything at all to a man.

You don't want to be in that position!

So, wait and see.  Be friendly, but not aggressive, and not too available.  Make him work for it.  Don't do any of this for him.  Don't reply too quickly to his txt msg, phone calls, and do NOT be available for "lets go somewhere after work."  Just smile and say you're busy.  

How to get off, is to quit fantasizing and wait and see what he does.  Don't read ANYTHING into anything he says or does.  Stay grounded until you really have something to go on.  A man's actions tell the most, and I don't mean s**, I mean calling ahead of time, making a date, treating you with respect.

BTW, it's not the age difference per se, it's that a 23 "man" is more of a boy.  It takes them time to mature.

I hope it works out!
All the best,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc/internetdatingcoach.htm
THE BLOG:  http://datingcoachblog.blogspot.com