Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/4/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hello Susan, nice to meet you and it would be glad to get help from you. My name is Ann, I'm 18,f.
There are 104 students in my class and he's one of 2 students studying abroad there. I feel quite interested in him. He's very silent and introverted who has never talked to anybody in this class except for just one boy who sits next to him.
I'm a hiphop dancer so I'm quite extroverted, annoyed, always make some noise and make my class rocked. These days I found that he glanced at me sometimes (maybe just due to curiosity, I think). So I wonder how to attract him more and pull him out of that silence. I don't know if I'm doing something stupid. I don't know if in his eyes I'm like a ... hooligan or something like that but there was sometimes that I said something teased him just for fun with my girls (I hope he didn't understand or notice, he glanced at me then and I feel like "what the hell with you, girl?").
So I really don't know what to do. Keep on being active and annoyed or stop that or anything else? Please help me some advices. Thank you so much for this! Happy new year!

ANSWER: Dear Ann,

One thing for sure - be who you are.  It doesn't work to try and change to get a man, because sooner or later, the Real You will surface.  

If he's that quiet and introverted, maybe he just isn't interested in, or ready for, dating.  

Have you tried having just a normal conversation with him?  Surely you have much in common, being in the same school.  Also consider that since he's an exchange student, he may be a little overwhelmed by it all.  Try being just friendly with him.  No need to put on a show.  Just conversation.  See how it goes.  Let me know.

All the best,
Susan
www.susandunn.cc

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Susan, nice to meet you again ^^. Do you still remember me ^^. I've considered about that and I decided not to have a conversation with him yet.
With friends' help, I've got his number and yahoo ID. I wonder if I should contact him or IS IT A RUSH? At the first time, the gals in my class called him a lot because they were interested in him, too. But just to play around with him. He did call back for being polite but now he doesn't because he knows that "Well, some girl calls me again just to tease me..." I know I should not call him until I have an unique idea.
I'm asking my friend who is very close to exchange students in my school to communicate with them and then slowly find out how he views me.
But now I have his yahoo ID, should I add his ID and the point is, what should I talk to him? His foreign language (which is my native one) is not so good. What I should talk?
Thank you so much for helping! I will rate you again due to my trust on you ^^

ANSWER: I would wait and let him take the first step as to calls and things like that.  It doesn't work for the woman to be the one pursuing.  Courtship behaviors are hard-wired.  If he is interested in you, he will contact you, and make it clear.

Further, if he feels girls call to tease him, he has some learning to do on his own, that you can't do anything about.  Because that isn't true!!

I hope you have luck with him.

All the best,
Susan
THE DATING BLOG:  http://datingcoachblog.blogspot.com

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Susan.
Nice to meet you again, I would tell you things happening these days. As I've mentioned, I got his number but I didn't take any serious action. I just FEEL that I need to do something, but not to be in a rush. So I decided to send him a sms few days ago. It was a happy new year sms, very simple, very brief. He didn't reply. That's ok. But today, exactly few hours ago, I sent him a sms which said "Hi, how's your review going on? Good luck with the exam tomorrow." Simple and brief again. And this time, he may be curious so he called me.
At first, he called me and asked "who's that?" I was so nervous so I hang up. I didn't dare to speak aloud so I sent him a sms again "I'm your classmate, I'm at Class6" and was waiting for his sms. But he called me again and we had a short conversation, about 1minute 47 s, like a..."How did you know my number? - I asked the monitor. - Are you in Russian class? - No! - Chinese class? - Yes, I'm in Chinese class" And SILENCE about 20seconds, I didn't prepare for this conversation and maybe his language is not so good either. And there's one thing that I'm sure about that is he wanted me to explain why I sent him sms, who I am and what the purpose is because when I said "Hello" to break the silence, he said "I'm still listening". I feel like I am bothering him and being accused and being questioned... At that time, I hurriedly said "When will the exam go on tomorrow?" (silly question). He told me the answer and then I asked him another stupid one "You know where will the exam go on?" - He said "No" then I told him where and blah blah some silly things T__T I couldn't lengthen the conversation so I said "Ok, I'm not bothering you no more. Good luck tomorrow." And end of conversation.
So, what do you think? I should stop then but I sent him another sms "Hey, is your name exactly "souvannasing"?" but he didn't reply and it's bedtime now.
His voice was not cold, I can feel that he was a lil bit curious for who the hell I am >"<
Ok, I admit that I've done something wrong and silly. What can I do and should do next?" Maybe he didn't know that the hooligan - big mouth - girl in the class and the girl sent him sms are the same, and me. So I don't have any plan but I think I should keep it secret and wait until the ripe chance. I think when I meet him tomorrow, I won't act like I'm interested in him but should act like "Wow, I don't know you man, and I didn't sent you anything last night and you didn't call me either, go find that girl if you are curious."
Would you please give me some better advice? Thank you so much, Susan!

Answer
No.  Do not contact himm.

You need to take a break and make a fresh start - like letting him contact you if he is interested.  If he is interested, he will call you.  There's no need to do things like that.  It usually turns out to be a mess.  Just see if calls you.  He will, if he is interested.

All the best,
Susan