Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/1/2009

Question
QUESTION: hi, so there's this boy i really like and he's a year older and we're both in highschool. We're both new to the school and i feel in love with him on our third day of school. Maybe due to my outgoingness with my past experiences, he kinda knew and was freaked out. Between then and now, which is 3 months in between, i tried to convince him that i don't like him. Now he stop avoiding me in the hallways. Even though we're a year different, we have art together. I like how we're so similar as to style. We're both chinese and i can't date. I'm not sure about him because he just came from china while i've been in canada for more than half of my life. I'm not sure how he thinks. So anyways, i think i know that he stopped hating me because once, i was leaning against a locker with a friend. He and his friend walked pass and saw us. I pretended that i didn't see them. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eyes, i saw  his friend try to push him towards me but didn't suceed. Does that mean he likes me. Cuz his friend doesn't really know me... Also, between those three months, i found out that he's wearing this sweater that is similar to mine...once he wore it for a whole week until i wore it, then he stop the day after. Now i think he got a new outfit and stop wearing it. Does that mean he still hates me, but what about that pushing incidence. Oh, when he was avoiding me, he also went home for lunch, now he eats at school and i see him often. I just want to know if he likes me and what i should do to make him like me more?

ANSWER: Dear Annie,

The bottom line to all this is that if he were interested in you, he would ask you out.  Or, since you cannot date (does he know this?) he would find  ways to get to know you and spend time with you, like in groups at social functions.  I encourage all women not to read anything into anything (like the sweater) because of fantasies.  

The incident wit the friend pushing him?  Again, a man who likes a woman makes it clear.  There are other reasons why his friend would do that, besides that he likes you.

If you get the chance, be friendly, but subtle and a bit mysterious.  If he likes you he will find ways to interact with you.  IF he doesn't, don't waste your time.  Move on quickly.  It's a bad habit to get stuck on something you can't have.

Wishing you the best,
Susan

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: yea...but there's this thing, he's a really shy person. Since i am also a shy person, i tend to avoid the person i like, but now, i try to be more outgoing. i don't know about him, he might still avoid me.

ANSWER: Maybe it would help you to work on your social skills and emotional intelligence.  It's confusing to a guy when you are "shy" and "avoid" someone you like.  What are they to think?  If you both use "shy" as an excuse, how could you ever get together?

Learning these skills would help you in all areas of your life.  You have seen with him, how difficult and confusing it is to try and relate to someone who is "shy."  

I think of "shy" people as people who have not had a chance to learn how to be more approachable and comfortable with themselves and with others.

If you'd like some coaching, please let me know.  sdunn@susandunn.cc .

All the best,
Susan
www.susandunn.cc
THE BLOG: http://improveyoureq.blogspot.com

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: yes please give me some coaching...i just don't want to do things that won't make him avoid me again. To all my classmates, especailly him, i'm known as outgoing so only my close friends know i'm shy with love. It's only because i'm afraid of rejection. So please give me some advice or coaching

Answer
Dear Annie,

I think EVERYONE is shy with loving.  When it matters, we get nervous, because there is something at stake.  WHen it doesn't matter, we're nice and relaxed.  EVERYONE is afraid of rejection when it matters.  You aren't alone in this.  

But believe me, I've coached hundreds of people, and there is no guy on earth "too shy" to ask out a woman he is interested in.  And the guy should be the one making the moves.

All the best,
Susan Dunn

P.S.  If you would like coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and we can discuss fees and how it works.