Expert: Rhapsody Love - 2/26/2008

Question
hi joyce
i was woundering am i freak the fact i am 26 yaer old girl who never be kissed is normal.but i am so painful  shy and quiet .i got such low self estreem.other girls knows how to kiss all but me.i am really up set about it.and i can,t make guy s like me either .i am in a no win situcaton.

it make sad that i have no experence with men none what so ever and i get so nervous around them.i never had a boyfreind at this stage life it just joke now.i,d love to be beautful looking and sexy and confident so a guy i like will me but i am not iam ugly duckling who never grew in to swan with all my efforts to grow in to swan.guys don,t even know i am alive.i have it so impossible to talk to a guy .then again they reject me without knowiing me.all they ever do is boost about there girlfreinds new and old.you what i mean.guys just hate me.no intersted in me at all. and my low  self estreem is getting even lower because of this traetment they about other girls in front of me and olgling other girls in front of me.yet when i walk by they don,t seem notice me at all.they just divert they eyes .

hope to hear from you soon

louise kelly

Answer
Hi Louise,

I don't mean to be rude, but I'm wondering if you're from a different culture because of the way you write at your age - is English your second language or is writing just not your thing? Your culture could limit your resources for a good match, but since you have access to the internet, you might have access to a good library, and possibly a nearby city with a better choice of men.

First of all, you need to work on you. If you don't love yourself, how is anyone else going to love you? Learn about who you are through personality typing, such as Meyers Briggs, Kiersey Temperment Sorter, or Enneagram. There are lots of resources on the internet to take tests to find out more about yourself and many libraries have books about them, too. You'll also learn about personality types to find out what kind of man might be good for you. Some people also like astrology, though I'm skeptical about it, Linda Goodman's Love Signs is a good book. These help to tell you where your strengths are and what personality points you should work on and believe in yourself that you have wonderful qualities.

Who says you're not beautiful? Check out famous people - not just entertainers - check out politicians and sports heros - look at them at their worst without their makeup & hair at their best - many are not so beautiful and yet they are often loved and have a partner. Do you not know any old married couple who seem to actually love each other who are not beautiful?

When you believe in yourself, you will stand differently and walk differently and smile confidently. This will give you a natural beauty that you have trouble seeing in yourself. You'll treat yourself better in the way you dress and do your hair and other people will see the beauty in you.

Then find someone who has similar interests. Go to public places where you can meet someone who might be your type. There are now internet resources for that, too: Meetup.com has lots of interests possibilities if you live near a city. Don't just join a "singles" group, because that isn't enough in common. Flixter.com matches people according to movies they like, but remember that men and women are different - my husband and I joined that site and they said we're not compatible in spite of our being together over 35 yrs. and watching lots of movies together - he doesn't like "chic flix" and I don't like violent horror movies. It's OK to have some differences - it's natural. Check out activities at your local public library, religious organizations (church, temple, etc. - if you don't belong to one & you have a choice in your area, try the Belief-o-Matic test at BeliefNet.com - churches have social activities too usually), or sports or community club.

It'll be hard at first to open up and talk with someone you don't know, but just get to know him like you know anyone - start with what you know you have in common. Ask him a question, then share a little about yourself, and back and forth until you get to know each other. It might not work out with the first man you meet that gets to like you, but I do believe there is someone for everyone and there IS someone for you. Take your time; you're not too old for your first kiss.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

- Joyce