Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/27/2008

Question
Hi,

I like this guy at school, we get along great, have a lot in common, similar interests in music, art, movies etc, and we're very compatible. We're both 25 years old and are very mature, most of the other kids at our school are 18, 19 etc. We're perfect for each other and while he is with me he is laughing and smiling constantly.

He has had a girlfriend for about a year, she is 1,000 miles away and comes and flies overseas to see him every few months or so.

It is obvious we like each other, but I don't want to start any drama or be known as a man-stealer. I really do want him badly though and it's pretty obvious he likes me back.

I have seen him giving me that look. His intensity scares me. But he has not done anything inappropriate. He hasn't hit on or flirted with any girls at school.

Should I just wait and see how things play out? From what I know, long-distance relationships are very difficult and few couples make it. And from what I see with this guy, I don't think he's in a rush to settle down because he wants to get his education, finances, and career settled first.

thanks.

Answer
Hello Joanna!

There are a number of issues involved here. First of all, how long do you have at school together? If you're in the last few months of your last year and he's going to fly 1000 miles away, I'd suggest you forget it. On the other hand, if you have some time to build a real relationship, you might have something to work on.

The reality is this: LDR's never work out. That's a sad fact, but a fact nontheless.

You're right there and have an excellent chance to begin something, but you can't really expect him to do it. He has everything to lose, and you have nothing.

If you're really serious about not being a "man-stealer" then your answer is pretty clear, but I sense you're not as committed to that track as you say.

I suggest you invite him out for a drink. Turn on the sexual charm and when the moment is at least a little "right" (it's never perfect, by the way), kiss him. This will not only make your intentions clear, it'll get the ball rolling.

Ultimately, you need to ask yourself what you're looking for. If you want something now (totally reasonable by the way), then this may be it. If you're looking for something long-term, you probably have a lot more work ahead of you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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