AboutJoyce D Expertise Looking for a lifelong, loving relationship? I`ve
been with the same partner for 30+ years and it`s not just a
coincidence. I`ve worked at it and the first part was to find the
right man for me. I hope I can help you do the same. (I`ve also read
a lot about the subject and know many couples - some who have made
poor partner decisions and others who`ve maintained a lifelong
relationship of love.) This information would be appropriate for
either gender.
Experience My own marriage has worked out great, though it has taken work, I've learned a lot and continue to learn. I realize, though, that everyone is different and so is each relationship, so I enjoy observing others.
Expert: Joyce D Date: 2/13/2008 Subject: older man
Question QUESTION: "i was wondering how would i attract an older man about 36 or 37 years of age i am 26 years.guys my own age are jerks and shallow,i,d like to meet.spophcated and cultured and with taste not a guy who shallow and i mean really shallow guys i meet they cruel and unkind to me ,they basely don,t what to been seen with me and insulting and boastful."
ANSWER: Louise,
I really don't think age matters unless is somehow affects other qualities you're looking for in a man. When I was 16, I thought all the guys my age were jerks, so I decided to figure out which qualities I was looking for in a man and how I would find those qualities. It turned out that the man I found and have been with for 36 yrs. was younger than me.
Ask yourself: Why are you only getting to know that type of man? Where are you hanging out? Why are they treating you this way? How do you treat them? How do you think they might see you (appearance, attitude)?
A relationship takes 2 people. You need to be aware of your own strengths and weaknesses in the relationship and not blame everything on the man. Is there any chance that they may be wondering if there are any right women at all? Maybe you need to take a break from men and look at yourself and how you do relationships and whatcharacteristics you're looking for in Mr. Right.
Three resources for that would be:
where you can take tests to find out about yourself and get information on personality types to learn who would make a good match for you. Another possility is here:
though I am skeptical about astrology, I find this is surprisingly
realistic & she discusses positive and negative qualities in a relationship & how to deal with a relationship with different types of personalities (it certainly couldn't hurt to check it out). BTW, this is a Google search link because the links I've chosen in the past have disappeared - sorry it's so long. Here's a shorter one:
Once you know yourself better and know what kind of mate would be good for you and have thought about other qualities that you would want, you can better figure out where to find such a person. Where might this person be, work, go for recreation? Would this person attend a church or other religious organization and if so, what kind (conservative, liberal - or you might try Unitarian Universalist where people of many faiths worship together)? Also, if you're in a city or metropolitan area, there might be Meet-ups near you - find an area that interests you and sign up for a Meet-up which takes place with at least 4 other people in a public place - you can also suggest a venue closer to your location.:
- there are loads of places to go on the internet where you can get a profile and even search by location as well as interest. You can get to know the person anonymously first; read
QUESTION: but i am not 16 years old i am 26 yaers old .but that the thing i don,t know know how to try to get a guy to like i don,t know.i tred to flirt with one guy he went off with a blonde and his told me he didn,t want to be seen with.another guy said to me he had better things to be doing then to bothar with me and i thought he was nice guy he turned out he wasn,t like always .i always get right and i can,t it right for the last 11 years .some how i don,t think i will at this stage.other girls must know something i don,t because i can,t figure out why i keep getting rejected. i don,t know to be sexy i grow up like tomboy no clue at all.
louise kelly
Answer Louise,
I used that example from my own experience to show that age doesn't make a difference. It works the other way, too. Actually, older men tend to really like younger women and that often is a better match since men mature emotionally later and are not ready for a permanent commitment until then.
You said, "i don,t know know how to try to get a guy to like i don't know." and the information I gave you previously applies to that. Look for men who have things in common with you, but also have some differences so you have things to discuss throughout your life and aren't always doing everything together. The things you have in common will help you become friends first - going to movies you both like, going to restaurants you both like, etc.
You said, "i thought he was nice guy he turned out he wasn,t like always". You need to consider why guys end up not being "nice". What is "not nice" about them? Guys think differently than women and don't know what women think is "nice". My husband, before & after our marriage, had a problem calling me, so I had to call him. He said he needed time off from me when we were dating, which I didn't understand, but I gave him his space without giving him too much so that he'd forget about me. He grew up with 2 brothers and no sisters, so he didn't know how to treat me and he liked to use sarcastic humor - I almost had to teach him how to treat me. It would be a little different with an older man, but not that much different. There are loads of books, about romance, office relationships, etc. that say you need to let people know how to treat you with respect and that goes both ways.
If you're looking for guys in clubs and bars, you're going to get a guy who might like to fool around. If you're a tomboy, maybe you need to find a guy at the gym or a sports club, like bowling, or something like that. Put your best side on, but some guys like tomboy-types. It's your personality that counts first to get them to know you - to have lunch or a movie as a friend. Then you can wear something that shows some cleavage and put on some makeup to help with the sexual attraction since guys like that. But it won't work if they don't like you as a friend - they'll just use you for sex. Be casual & yourself first and go to different places to meet different men to see if you can find one who will talk to you and learn about who you really are as a person.
Even though the bottom two links I gave you about being careful meeting guys on the internet were worded for teenagers, it's good advice for everyone. Look back at my first message, I'm sure you can use some of that advice.
