Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 3/17/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi, this is a pretty amazing service you're providing here! I'm 20 years old and attend dance classes where I met a past acquaintance. He's 4 years older than me, has been in a relationship with my sister's good friend and it ended a couple years back, and now treats me somewhat as a friend. Flipside, his younger sister is my age, so he may think of me in the same light! I like him and talking with him often has made it clear that we are quite compatible. How do I make it evident that I'm interested in him without seeming childish or infatuated?

ANSWER: That's a good question.  Well put.  

"Attraction' is like a magnet thing.  There is NO WAY you can attract a man who is not interested in you in that way - and the same is true.  I'm sure you can think of men who were gaga over you that just didn't ring your bell in any way.

My best guess at this is to go to the more mature part of your personality for want of a better way to put it.  We all have many behaviors in our repertoire.  Go to the more sophisticated side.  In other words, just make sure you aren't being a giggly little girl around him (to help get that idea out of his head).  Aside from that, you get to be around him, I take it, and if he doesn't go for it, there isn't anything you can do, one way or the other.  Men are that way.  They are attracted ... or they are not - for dating.

Another thing - if you want dating, don't fall into the "friend" trap.  They can confide, be sweet, hang out, etc. but a date is a date.  It's a different sort of thing.  Spending time with him as buddies would be likely to get YOU more involved, and leave him uninvolved as far as dating is concerned.

Just remember, "you can't get blood out of a turnip" so it something isn't forthcoming soon, move on to greener pastures.  Life is short!

All the best,
Susan

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: That's great advice Susan, thanks! Only, I have been acting my most precocious yet, and that seems to have been working adequately well. If I'm not being too imposing here, how should I be forthright? In your face confidence or play it neutral coy? I'm not delving into obsession territory here (or I hope not!), just wanting to make the best of an opportunity. Thanks.

Answer
It is always best to let the man pursue.  They know how to do that, and enjoy it.  You don't want to deprive him of the fun of that!  Neutral coy is a good way to put it.  Not too available, a little mystery, a little flirting  just a touch.    If he's interested, he'll make his move.  
Good luck!
Susan