Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/20/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hey,

This man asked me out. We're both 27 and in the same career but I'm in a higher position than him. I'm very passionate about him...and he's EXTREMELY passionate about me...I can tell.

He has had a lot of sexual experience with women...he was a former pro basketball player in the NBA...so obviously he's had his share of the ladies...if you know what i mean... and I'm a virgin despite my relative late age.

How would you suggest I structure this relationship?

ANSWER: Hello Kim!

Like any other!

Your sexual experience has nothing to do with how the relationship is "structured" UNLESS you plan on remaining a virgin. If that is the case, then your relationship is going to be one where he's dating other women for sex and seeing you for a relationship.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I really am very passionate about this man. And it is obvious he is passionate about me. I was looking really beautiful, and saw the way he was gazing at me from a long distance away. So the feelings are returned.

Yes we are extremely passionate about each other. I really do feel strongly for him. In fact just looking at him makes me want him really badly. I honestly think I will end up losing my virginity to him...I can barely look at him and breathe at the same time...LOL I'VE GOT IT BAD!!!

I just don't know if I'll be "just another girl" because he sure had plenty of those back when he was in the NBA pro basketball team, and he's had sex with tons of girls from going out to bars and clubs, but judging from his age, he seems to have calmed down A LOT...and I think he wants a steady girlfriend now and he seems kind of lonely. On his myspace it says he wants a serious relationship. I really think he has a lot of potential. WE have a lot in common.

I'm just a little scared because it will be my first time, and i've never been intimate with a man.

So...my question is...how do I go about this? I really want us to work. We seem pretty compatible.

Answer
Hello again Kim!

I read some of these things from women and just shake my head in disbelief. You think you're going to be "just another girl" because he's had a sexual past and you haven't?

Kim, that's just dumb! Think about this for a minute. When you're really thirsty and you finally get that glass of water, is it less worthy of your thirst because you've had so many other glasses of water in the past? Of course not! Why in the hell would you (or any woman for that matter) think that you're value is diminished simply because a man has had other glasses of water in his past?

Sheesh!!! Get a grip, girl!

On the other hand, you've neglected your own sexual education for all this time and you have a ton of catching up to do. For whatever reason, you've held off (and no, it can't come from a book!) and have nothing to invest in this guy sexually. That's also pretty dumb. By now your sexual growth should match your emotional growth.

My best advice to you is simply this: be OPEN. Don't put on the brakes at every turn. Don't play hard to get. Don't act unsophisticated about sex and be enthusiastic about it. It's unfortunate that you've waited this long because there are many subtle aspects of sex you just aren't going to understand. By now you should have learned these and have them in your bag of tricks to invest in the guy you really care about.

The advantage you have however is that he's likely to more willing to guide you through all of this - especially if he's older. Just relax and go with it! Also, you absolutely, positively must use condoms - every single time. No exceptions. Don't assume he has these on him. Get them and carry a few in your purse - always.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"