Expert: Rhapsody Love - 3/21/2008

Question
okay, so i was dating this guy.. and i can honestly see myself with him for the rest of my life. i have been interested in him for three years now and we dated for a couple of months, however, we decided to "take a break" while he gets on his feet. he's fresh out of college and so he's working a lot right now and doesn't have time for a relationship. he still calls me every night and makes it a point to see me when ever he can and he says he's absolutely in love with me but i know how these "breaks" go and i don't want to lose him. so I'm asking you.. if he's really in love with me.. how do i keep him that way? and if he starts to lose interest, how do i get it back?

Answer
Christy,

Is he really in love with you? Well, I don't think that's the question, because he calls you every night - that's a pretty good indication. It's: Does he love you enough to not go astray? There's not a lot you can do, but try to treat him in a way that gets to him deep down, so that he wouldn't leave you. Two months at college is not usually enough time to get to know someone well enough to know he has a conscience & wouldn't cheat. I've been with my husband & I love him dearly, but am I NOT 100% sure; I wish I could be, but at this time in my life, it doesn't really matter, because we have so much good time together that I know he loves me & will be there for me (we have 2 kids together & his mother is my mother). Still divorce is so prevalent....

My attitude is to make the best of what you have now, plan for the future but don't get too wrapped up in a dream that you can't get out of it (emotionally). I left my husband (before he was my husband) after 5 yrs. of dating, because he wasn't ready to get married & he couldn't get ready with me around (he felt we were too young when we met & he didn't have a chance to experience other women - he didn't say it directly until I questioned him - gently but firmly). I knew it was possible that I'd never see him again, even though I felt like his family was like my family. Luckily he came around in 3 mos. - the worst 3 mos. of my life, but I was prepared to move on if he changed his mind. I loved him & trusted his decision about what was right for his life - if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.

But I also: treated him with love and respect, called him if he didn't call me as long as was within a reasonable time from when he said we should not talk to each other (we were in high school when we started dating, so I couldn't talk to him as often as daily & he wasn't one to call, so your situation is different), was understanding of his situation, and gave him many reasons why we should be together for the rest of our lives without making it sound like I was "trapping" him (to his perspective). It can be hard to understand a man's perspective sometimes, because they do think a differently, but all you can do is the best you can under the circumstances.

I hope this helps!

- Joyce