Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/30/2008

Question
Hi, I recently met someone at a party. I have met him once before, 2 years
ago but I was in a relationship at that time so didn't do anything about it. But
I was attracted to him then and I still am. Plus, he is everything I have been
looking for. I know, because we have a few common friends (not so close that
I can trust them to set me up with him) and also because we are in related
fields of work, so I do know of his reputation. BUt most importantly, I can feel
it. I have never felt this way in the last 10 years. I am 29 and desperately want
to be with him. However, I have no idea how he feels.

in fact, worse, I think he has no idea how I feel. He may think I am still
attached. Or he may think I am not interested. At the party, I thought I saw
him glance at me acouple of times but we didn't talk much. Although he did
tell me I was one of the prettiest women in the room. After a month, I smsed
and asked him how work was and if he would like to catch up for a drink
when he came to town (we live in diffrent cities) and he told me work was
hectic and lets catch up when he is done in 10 days time.

What do I do? Should I be more upfront about how I feel and risk rejection.
How can I get him to want to be with me? Do you think if he was ineterested
he would have taken my sms as a hint and done something? I am on pins and
needles and all wound up in knots...please help me. How do i get him?  

Answer
Hello Just!

Frankly, I think you're way ahead of yourself. You met this guy once and maybe you've talked to him a few times since, but let's face it - what do you REALLY know about him? Not too much. Therefore, don't start giving him power he hasn't earned over you.

No, you shouldn't be up-front about your feelings. Considering what I've just said, he's going to think it's odd and will start to suspect you have another agenda. Instead, you should just contact him in 10 days and set up something specific with him. You're not risking anything by doing this.

Now here's the real problem: you're in different cities. I don't know how far those cities are apart, but if it's more than an hour, I think you're headed for nothing but trouble. The reason is that long-distance relationships (LDR's) NEVER work out. There is a ton of reasons for this and if you want to understand them, go to my website (http://beingaman.com) and watch the video on LDR's under BAM TV.

If the distance is great and you can't move - or get him to move - I think you're wasting your time.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"