Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 4/26/2008

Question
I'm a 20 year old female who cannot for the life of me read a guy I'm interested in.  I met him through my friend who works with him, and I just recently started working in the same place as the two of them.  This friend has been trying to get me and "Brad" to go out on a date forever.  I'm more than willing...He's got an amazing personality, he's hilarious, he's so nice, and he (at times) seems attracted to me.  But he has told her that our age difference bothers him, and that I wouldn't want to be with someone "ugly like him".  The second reason is completely ridiculous, so we'll just eliminate that as an excuse.  

The age difference between us is 11 years.  He told her he's attracted to me and really likes my personality (so on and so forth) and that I'm really mature for my age, but he doesn't know if he should date someone that much younger than him.  The only thing that bothers me with that excuse is why does he continue to flirt with me when he doesn't think he wants it to go anywhere?  How do I prove to him that I'm worth it/that it's a worth a shot?  Or should I just accept it and remain great friends with him?

Answer
Dear CJ,
Do NOT get stuck on 'proving that you're worth a shot.'  This man is confused .. anyone who says "ugly like him" doesn't have his self-esteem in order.  When someone says that, it means - if you date me, it will be all my way, because I'm less than... so it's carte blanche for bad behavior.  For whatever reason, this man is not ready to date ANYONE, and I wouldn't recommend you be the one to fit into that place  There's someone better out there for you.

P.S.  Dating is "confusing."  That's why I recommend coaching.  If you are having trouble figuring someone out, don't waste time on it - a person should come on in such a way that you are not confused about things.  If he wanted to ask you out, and were ready to date, he would do so.  

All the best,
Susan