Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 4/28/2008

Question
Hello,

There is an exceedingly handsome gentleman that I am interested in. He has a very nice personality and is a very sweet guy. But he has been a bad boy in the past. He's had his share of many, many ladies. So he is VERY VERY experienced with women and is very confident. Total suave, sophisticated ladies man. Real Don Juan, Casanova, womanizing player type. Streams of women flock to him and are hitting on him all the time daily because he is still incredibly gorgeous. He could have been a super model, no doubt.

The other day when I was talking to him, we were talking about music. I mentioned a rock band I like and some of their songs. He stared down at his shoes and mumbled that he didn't know anything about their music and that he would have to download the songs from his brother's CD, that he would check them out, and walked away from me very quickly. That isn't true. As I found out later, turns out that they are his favorite band too and he has seen them in concert 7 times and has even met the band members personally. So he was lying.

So I saw him again. I said that I was watching a video of the guitarist in that same band, and that he was teaching how to play his songs. He ran his hands through his hair, stared down at his shoes, and mumbled that he was simply too uncoordinated to do anything like guitar playing. Then he walked away from me very quickly. That's not true. As I found out later, he has been playing guitar for 10 years and can play all of the songs by that band, and they are pretty difficult guitar tunes so that's not an amateur feat. You would have to be a classically trained guitarist with years of guitar lessons to perform that kind of rock music. So he was lying.

I saw him again. I said that I saw their band music video on YouTube, and he once again stared down at his shoes, said he didn't know much about the internet, and didn't go on YouTube to watch videos. Then he turned and walked away from me as fast as he could.

I was like ok, fine, he's not interested. I should leave him alone.

But I ran into him at the public library, he was sitting at a desk reading a huge literary novel with his reading glasses on. (Hmm...Mr. Ladies Man likes to read? that's awesome) and we struck up a conversation but during it he was staring down at the book the whole time and not looking at me. So I was like, ok he must not be interested then, and gave up.

So I decided to forget it and find some other guy.

But now in the last few weeks...I always feel someone watching me...and whenever I look over...I see him gazing at me. Sometimes with a smile on his face. When our eyes meet he looks away.

Whenever I wear a dress and heels, I feel someone's eyes on my back, and I see him gazing at me from across the distance.

Sometimes now when I am sitting at the library, he comes up behind me and runs his hands through my hair and ruffles it.

So now I go up to talk to him, and he ignores me and walks away quickly pretending he never saw me. He has ignored me quite a few times.

So I though, forget it, I don't want to play games.

I saw him at a dinner yesterday, everyone was there. Everyone stayed for drinks and dancing, but I decided to leave early with my friend because I was getting really bored and wasn't feeling too well. As I was leaving out the door, I saw him and he hugged me, and held on to me for quite some time. Then I told him I was going and he said "no I don't want you to go."

I ran into one of his guy friends this last week. We got in a conversation and I asked if he (the guy I like) had a girlfriend, he said no. Then I said that I didn't have a boyfriend. His friend replied "well of course. You are simply too beautiful for any man to have the guts to approach you." I asked him about his friend, and he said "yeah he's kinda shy around really hot girls" Mr. Casanova shy? hmmm...maybe that's why he was staring at his shoes so much?

Ok so now what do you think I should do.
thanks,
Ana

Answer
Well, just wait it out.  Be pleasant and receptive when he is around, but DO NOT PURSUE.  There is no many too "shy" not to make the approach when he wants to, and remember that they LOVE the CHASE.  If he is interested, he will ask you out.  Resist all urges to be the one to make the advances in that area.  It's hard to tell if he's "disinterested" or "shy" but only time will tell.  Sometimes they have to think it over before they make their move; perhaps moreso if you are so beautiful.

You have the perfect setup, as you get to be around him, and everyone knows you don't have a boyfriend.  Now let him do what guys do.  

I don't get the part about "lying" - that you will have to see about, with time.  It could be he wasn't wanted to brag or something like that.  Or maybe he just gets tongue-tied around you.  I was just now helping my grand-daughter rehearse a song for a talent show by Miley Cyrus, where she talks about st-st-stuttering and looking down.  A lot of us do that when we're snowed - that's an old-fashioned word, but I'm sure you know what it means.  She says she'll get it right the next time, and can't wait to see him again.

Give him time, and a chance.  Enjoy!  I hope it works out for you.

All the best,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc