Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/2/2008

Question
Hi and thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I'm a 42 female, I've been dating a man for 5 months now. He has custody of his children so we only see each other the weekends they are with their mom and occassional Wednesdays when they are with their Mom. During the time we're not together, the only communication we have is thru text messaging...he's a stutter and doesn't like to talk on the phone much. When we are together we have a great time, we talk, laugh, watch tv, either eat out or eat in. We have alot in common. We met thru a online dating site and have both deleted our profiles from there a couple of months ago. He's a very caring guy, I get gifts on christmas, birthday, valentines day etc. I think he really cares for me, but are times I feel like he fights it. For instance, I have yet to meet the kids, they are 16 and 13 or any other family members, he says his kids arent ready to meet me yet, I can understand putting kids first. A few weeks ago we had a "text discussion" and when I asked him what sort of relationship he was really looking for he told me that fun was over, not playing games and broke up. Well,  the following week we went back together. This man has a very high sex drive, and it seems to me he just focuses on that aspect of our relationship way to much, no matter how much I try to tell him that I see him for more reasons then that. I told me a few days later, that hes not sure he can give me all of him in a relationship because of his kids but still wants to see me. which i agreed to because I care for him alot. However, I do know that he was in a almost 2 year relationship with a woman after his divorce and she actually  spent time with him and his kids.I just get this feeling that even though this man cares about me, he's using the kids as a way not to fully committ and that he wants a sex relationship only. When I go over on weekends, I leave saturday late morning and come back that evening around 7.  we never spend the entire weekend together. Sometimes when we've planned for me to come over, something has come up and I wasn't able to go and he would get mad and pout. Again, this makes me think he's just pouting cuz he's not going to get sex. I've tried to ask him if he's just in this for the sex, but he always makes a funny comment or avoids it. I don't mind putting the effort into making a relationship work but only if the other person is wanting the same thing. should I give him more time to see if he comes around, or just write this off as a man who wants a physical relationship only, break up and spend time trying to find someone who wants the same relationship as I do?

Answer
Hello Vickie!

Isn't this one obvious? Yes, he's only interested in a sexual relationship and maybe a buddy to do a few things with. If you want something else, this isn't your guy.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
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