AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise Literally, any question related to finding and meeting the man of your dreams. I am the top-rated expert in "General Dating Questions", "How to Attract the Woman of your Dreams" and "Places to Meet People". In fact, over the past few years, I've answered over 25,000 letters from readers, have written 600 articles, written numerous books, recorded CD's and DVD's, done hundreds of radio and tv shows and have millions of readers all over the world.
Experience I've written many books on every aspect of dating, sex and relationships. My new book, "How Women Can Approach Men" is already quickly becoming one of our best-sellers! Women have many tools at their disposal and shouldn't have to wait for "Mr. Right" to come along!
After reading some of the advice the women in this section are getting from other women, I think it's a good idea to offer a man's perspective.
Organizations Numerous boards and commissions, civic organizations, etc.
Publications Thousands of websites, magazines, radio and TV.
Question QUESTION: Is there any way to turn this relationship into a real relationship instead of a hooking up for sex - type thing?
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Hi,
I'm interested in this man. But he has had like a million girls because he used to be a pro athlete and I am a virgin. I don't think he knows I am a virgin, he knows I enjoy erotic material, such as read adult magazines, watch porn movies, etc so I guess that piqued his interest, I mean come on most girls aren't into that stuff. Or at least they won't admit it openly. So maybe he thinks I am a sexual person when it's quite the contrary? Not sure.
People have told me that he feels very passionately about me and that I'm quite a lucky lady.
What exactly do they mean by 'passionate'? does that mean he just wants to have sex with me? or he really likes me. not sure.
thank you.
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Hello!
Haven't you and I talked about this before????
pas·sion·ate - /PASH-un-it/
–adjective
1. having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling; fervid: ex. "a passionate advocate of socialism."
2. easily aroused to or influenced by sexual desire; ardently sensual.
3. expressing, showing, or marked by intense or strong feeling; emotional: passionate language.
4. intense or vehement, as emotions or feelings: passionate grief.
5. easily moved to anger; quick-tempered; irascible.
[Origin: 1375–1425; late ME < ML passiōnātus, equiv. to LL passiōn- passion + L -ātus -ate]
—Related forms
pas·sion·ate·ly, adverb
pas·sion·ate·ness, noun
—Synonyms 1. excitable, emotional, impulsive, zealous. 1, 3, 4. ardent, impassioned, excited, fervent, warm, enthusiastic, earnest, glowing, burning, fiery; animated, impetuous, violent. 5. testy, choleric, hasty, short-tempered, fiery, hotheaded.
—Antonyms 1, 3–5. cool, calm.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
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ANSWER: Hello!
Since I don't know the details of the situation - and I can't possibly remember them considering how many of these questions I answer everyday, I can't say.
However, if you haven't had sex with him how could this be a "hooking up for sex - type thing"??
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: No I'm saying that if I DID end up having sex with him...how do i keep from being just a booty call?
such as, how would you determine whether a woman (to you) was a serious contender for a relationship and not just another toss in the sack. what would it be about her that made her 'different' from all the other girls and impressed you the most?
what is it about a woman that would earn your utmost respect and make you think she is an 'awesome' chick?
(i know this is different for every guy...but im talking basic principles here...as to what would make you really dig a girl)
also...can you tell me...in general...is it important for a woman not to rush sex with the man...such as how do you stop yourself or the guy's sexual drive from escalating TOO fast and blowing the chances of a real relationship.
thanks :)
Answer Hello again Oh-Nameless-One!
Why are you worried about this in the first place? I'm sure I mentioned this but this is one of the many reasons why it's so important to start building sexual experience when you're young. You wouldn't have to be asking this sort of question now that you're trying to build real relationships.
You're asking about me and that's not really going to help you. The criteria I use with women is likely are different than what someone else uses. Let's deal with you and him. If you want to know what I use, I'm happy to explain it to you but that's not going to help you here.
You're making a huge mistake here - one that women constantly make; thinking that having sex early in the relationship will somehow prevent you from having what you want. In the real world this is usually just the opposite.
Women continue to propagate the myth that early sex somehow prevents a healthy relationship from happening. This is a mistaken belief that comes from misinterpreting the situation.
I have likely explained this before but I'll do it again here:
Early in any budding relationship, men are open to the idea of actually falling in love. Just like you, we have very specific triggers and cues we rely on in order to open up and let someone into our hearts. That's pretty obvious, right? It's probably also obvious that there are different cues for different guys, but there are some that we all share. The most important of these is sex.
The surest and most direct way to any man's heart is not through his stomach (as the saying goes) but through his cock. The reason for this is that whereas women use sex to creating bonding and intimacy, men use sex to determine if we WANT TO create bonding and intimacy. By holding off sex for a long time, we never get to the point of making that decision with you! Do you see how that works?
The other issue you need to understand is that men also have a "window of opportunity" built right into us by nature. This helps to insure that we don't waste lots of time chasing one woman that we can never get. There's a ton of science behind this that I won't bore you with; but suffice it to say that it's there in all men.
The problem is that the time the window is open is different for every man - and you can't predict just how long that will be! For some guys it's weeks and for others it's months. You never really know.
Consider this scenario: how many times have your girlfriends told you about some guy they were really interested in and mistakenly believed that by holding off getting intimate with him they'd build a better relationship? Probably a bunch of them! Then, they waited and waited and eventually they slept with the guy only to have him stop calling her, or move on to someone else that he started having sex with right away. What did your girlfriends tell you? "All he wanted was sex."
WRONG!
His window of opportunity closed while the girl was waiting around for enough time to pass. She crossed herself right off his list! You see, we'll still have sex with you even after that window closes, but you'll never have access to our hearts from that point on. Most guys want close, intimate, loving relationships just like you do, but you have to address our needs just like we have to address yours. If the only rules that we live by are yours (artifical and based on mistaken beliefs by the way), you're not meeting us half way and that will simply prevent you from having us.
That was a long way to telling you this:
If you wait too long, all you can be is a booty call! If you approach sex with an open, mature attitude and see it as it's own benefit; not just to land this guy, but to help him bond with you, (and you with him) you don't have to worry about just being the booty call.
This is why it's so important for women to take their sexual education seriously and to not rely on these myths as a guide.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
