Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/6/2008

Question
QUESTION: Why is sex so important to a marriage and/or other types of relationships?

What is it about the lack of sex that makes a man or woman leave an otherwise happy relationship?

You said many marriages that are horrible sinking ships stay together because of good sex. But the good marriages often end because of no sex. And it is not just the men leaving a lot of times it is the woman leaving if the sex is bad too.

Can you tell me why this is?

ANSWER: Yo! Rita!

In fact, the mistaken belief held by most people is that men break up families. In reality, 72% of all divorces are filed by women, NOT men! It's women that most often break them up.

Sex is important on a many levels. Not only is it a type of connection that you have no other way of building, but it's a unique expression; a unique form of communication. You're with someone that you've build a connection and trust with and that sort of security and closeness can't be matched.

There are all sorts of physiological effects too; for example, the release of powerful, healing hormones are accomplished through sex. Many of these hormones (such as oxytosin) help to bond even deeper to another person by the way.

Think about this for a minute: the thing that people (as a whole) want most in their lives is passion. They want to be passionate about passionate things. Nowhere else in life can you build such a powerful bond of passion but within a relationship. Bad marriages can always look forward to another round of passion, but good-but-sexless marriages are stuck in tedium and boredom. In reality, these are nothing but roommates!

Consider the effect of an orgasm as another example. Not only is this a tremendously healing experience to the body, it's a moment of pure vulnerability and through that vulnerability, you create a trust and connection with that other person sharing it with you.

On yet another example, consider that regardless of the quality of sex within a relationship, these are still two sexual people. There is nothing so fundamental or powerful about any person than their sexuality. It dictates everything from the clothes they wear to the car they drive to the way they walk to the words they choose, etc., etc., etc.

Imagine what happens when this sexual tension builds up without release. It has to find an outlet, and if it doesn't it harming the owner physiologically.

With most people, they will turn their attention to other potential partners and very few relationships can survive that.

Rita, there are a ton more examples, but I think you get the picture. It is for all these reasons that I strongly encourage people to grow their sexualities in a positive, powerful, guilt-free way; not only for their own personal benefit but for the benefit of any partner they have or plan to meet.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I'm a virgin...what are some things I can do to signal to the man I'm dating that I'm more than ready to grow my sexuality and make him happy?

ANSWER: Hello Rita!

That depends. Is this someone you're already dating or something that you want to date. Also, how old are you?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I'm 26. This is a man I hope to date in the future. He is also 26.

Answer
Hey Rita!

Ok. Yes, in fact there are many things you can do. It begins with the approach. Men are supposed to be the ones to initiate the approach but in reality, a large number of men just don't know what to do. So, they start up a conversation and wait for the girl to show interest - and even to close for them (for numbers, dating, etc.) Obviously this is far less than optimum, but it's the unfortunate reality.

What that means is that if he's not doesn't make the first move, you'll have to. The good news is that it's pretty easy to do. Just mention to him that you'd like to get to know him better and would be interested in having a drink with him sometime. Then, hand him your phone number.

During the date, you want to show basic signs of interest such as looking straight at him, touching him on the arm and leg, "accidentally" brushing against him, etc.

At some point in the date, you should get closer to him and make it possible for him to kiss you. If you don't feel comfortable at the location you're at, ask to take a walk or invite him back to your place to continue the date there.

As to what moves you put on now, there are many of them. Obviously, everything starts with kissing, touching, etc. Hopefully by this time, he'll be on-board and ready to move things forward.

That should get you started.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"