Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/18/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi, I'm in year 12 at school and there's a guy in my class whom I really like, but I don't know how to approach him. We're in the same classes but he's in year 11 so he doesn't do the same topics as me. We don't share any friends and never have any reason to talk to each other. I would love to get to know him (more than I have learnt from just observing him) but I don't know how to approach  him. We've never really spoken, and I'm very shy. I'm afraid that if I don't make a move I might miss him. If you have any advise, i would be so grateful.

ANSWER: Hello Heidi!

First of all, I'm very, very proud of you for wanting to approach this guy. So many girls just wait around for guys to do this - and many just have no clue what to do. While it would be far better if he'd just come say "hi", at least you're willing to make some move and good for you for it!

Interestingly, girls have a number of ways of approaching guys that we guys don't have. Let me give you some examples:

One way is to simply bump into him! Now, if a guy did this to you, it'd be creepy, right? But when girls do it to guys, it's almost charming! You can just be walking down the hall at school and "accidentally" bump into him. Look him in the eye and say "Oh, sorry about that" and let it linger for a few moments. Then say, "I'm Heidi". He'll give you his name too.

Another way is to get a friend to help you. A friend can easily go up to him and say, "There's this really nice girl name Heidi that I think would be someone you should get to know. I can introduce you to her if you'd like." How simple is that? Of course, you should offer to return the favor as well.

Yet another way is something of a direct approach. You can go up to him with your name and phone number and simply hand it to him and say, "We should meet over the summer." It's just vague enough to spark some interest without giving everything away.

There are other approaches as well based on what you know about him, but any of these would work great - go give them a try the very next time you see him.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Your answer was very insightful and helpful, however it may be a little too bold for me to do those things you suggested, one because I'm very shy and two because the school I go to has only 300 kids from grades p-12 so everyone knows everything that happens. The problem I'm having is that everyone thinks I'm the quiet, A grade student who isn't interested in relationships and stuff. I'm not sure what I'm asking from you but if you have any comments or advice I'd be really grateful. thanx.

Answer
Hello again Heidi!

I'm glad it helped.

Why are you so worried what anyone else thinks or knows? This is none of their business and you can feel free to tell them I said so.

Here's the reality: shyness isn't an infliction, it's a choice. You CHOOSE to be shy, it's not inflicted on you by anyone or anything else other than yourself.

It's just like your choice to be worried about what anyone else thinks. Don't live for anyone else. This is YOUR life and YOUR choices. Let them make their own and if being afraid of anyone else knowing or thinking a thing is part of that, it's their problem too.

Just CHOOSE to not be shy and guess what? You aren't. It's really that easy.

Now, go meet that guy already!!!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"