Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/29/2008

Question
I met a man who I think is very handsome and a very hardworking, good guy who was in the army for ten years. He's really smart and knows everything about everything. We have a lot in common. Same music, movies, etc. We're both big Quentin Tarantino buffs. So obviously its special because we have a lot of things in common that other people wouldn't. He remarks on things like "oh that dress you're wearing has this style on it" or "oh your toenail polish is this color"

Well I was sitting next to him on the bus and he follows me around everywhere on campus and always sits next to me at lunch.

So I totally loved it and flirted iwth him a lot.

Then he was sitting next to me on the bus and presses his legs into me HARD.

Now i find out he's married with 3 kids. his wife and kids are back in Korea.

So he's a white guy married to a korean girl and he knows a lot about asian cultures.

I'm from India. I'm really pretty and have a sexy body. Maybe he thinks I'm exotic or something since I'm from around that region despite me not being oriental.

Ok but ignoring all that.

I've started to have HARD feelings for him.

and if i'm not imagining it...does he have feelings for me too?

I mean, pressing his legs into me on the bus is pretty brazen.

And yeah he asked for my nubmer and calls and texts me sometimes. but nothing sexual or flirty, just school stuff.

but wow, in a bus full of people...thats pretty brazen...

ANSWER: Hello Julie!

Huh??? "...but ignorning all that..."??? Then why did you tell me? Are you just trying to convince yourself that you're attractive and sexy???

I can't tell you if he has feelings for you from just him following you around and pressing his legs into you. Those aren't specifically "courting signals". On the other hand, maybe in a past life he was a puppy and is just living it out again by following you around. Has he tried to sniff your ass yet?   ;)

If he asked you for your number, it's a pretty damn sure bet that he's interested, however, he probably doesn't know how to move this forward. That's why he's acting all "high school" rather that taking specific action.

You may want to help him along a little bit here. This one is pretty obvious that you're not going to fail!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dennis,

You are experienced with relationships. What are the repercussions of this situation. Should I avoid this man at all costs?

And, what did you mean by 'this one is pretty obvious that you're not going to fail?'

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Answer   Hey Julie!

Yes, I'm experienced with relationships. I make my living teaching others from my own experience. What kind of question is that? If you doubt this, why are you even asking me these questions????

The repercussions? Simple: if you do nothing, than there are no likely repercussions other than the fact that his interest will eventually fade and you'll be rid of him. He obviously doesn't know what he's doing and seems to think that all of this is charming or something. That means you're going to have to do his job for him - like ask him out on a real date for instance.

You should avoid this man if you're not interested. If you're interested, they why avoid him? You'll just lose him.

Because you gave him your digits and he's using them to contact you, it's a pretty safe bet that you can ask him out and assume that he's interested without much risk (if any) of being rejected.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President

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No. I meant was what are the repercussions of dating a married man with three kids?

And I was asking you, if it would be wise for me to just leave.

because

he is married with kids

and

I was afraid taht i would end up getting hurt

because im already starting to have feelings for this man HARD and i need to know the repercussions

of a reatinship with a married man with a family.

ANSWER: Yo! Julie!

Uh, sorry. I didn't pick that up.

The repercussions are that he may decide to go back to his family, or they may move out here. He's not likely to marry you (if that is even your goal. Frankly, if neither of these happen, I don't see any other particular repercussion.

Now, if you don't want the possibility of all this drama, then you're best off to move on but before you do consider this...

No relationship is perfect and everyone of them have their own dramatic elements. That's just the way it is. If you're looking for a care-free, no drama relationship, you're going to be alone for a very long time.

Yes, you could get hurt in this relationship but you could in the next one too. If you're only interested in relationships where you can't hurt, you're not going to be very happy in them because you won't invest yourself at all.

Julie, I can't tell you whether the risk is worth it or not - only you  can make that decision.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: WHOA dennis. here's what happened.

I got a text message from him at 3 am one night when it was raining. very odd. It said "I am alone, sitting on my balcony out in the dark, I am very lonely and thinking of food. You know any good restaurants?"

now why the hell is he out on a balcony in the middle of the freezing night and texting me at 3 am asking about restaurants in the middle of the night?

is it just me...or does this send alarm bells ringing...

Ok, so his name came up at school. But I didn't say anything about him hitting on me to anyone. i didnt say anything to anyone about the late night text message.

Every single person at school came up to me and told me that this man is psychotic and to stay away from him.

Something about all this is very odd.

Dennis, if you were me, would you run?

what have you seen with men like this, who send erratic text messages in teh middle of the night.

is it just me...or does he have a few screws loose..

or is he just doing this because he thinks i want to bang him (which i do, but not if he turns out to be insane)

Answer
Hey Julie!

You're asking me to read this guys mind and tell you what everything means. Julie, not everything in the world has some deep, dark meaning and I can't tell you what he's doing at 3 am. I'm not even going to speculate. Use your imagination.

If you don't feel comfortable about this, then run. There is no "standards" about most things when it comes to dating and relationships.

I'm beginning to wonder if the issue here isn't him at all, but you. Why are you making such a ridiculously huge deal about every little detail? So what? He's sitting on his balcony at 3 am. Gee, that has never happened before in the history of mankind! It must be a sign!!

Really Julie, what's going on here? Just whom needs to have their screws tightened???

I'm beginning to wonder if HE needs to bolt!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"