Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 5/25/2008

Question
Hello,

Sex is a primary, basic human instinct. Both men and women were designed with sexual desire at the beginning of time in order to promote the continuation of the human species. It ensured that procreation would continue for thousands of years. And apparently it has been working well, because the world population is now 7 billion people.

So my question is this - why does modern society prohibit women from expressing their sexual desires? ALL humans are sexual people. Granted there is MUCH MUCH more to us than just that of course. Sex is NOT everything, and it is not the most important thing (obviously the most important is what kind of human being you are, how you treat others, are you kind, dependable, respectable, mature, etc) but sex is ONE of the aspects of human beings.

Why are women not allowed to express this? I'm not saying in a slutty way...I'm saying women should be allowed to express their sexuality in a healthy way.

Why do you think modern society has placed these kinds of limits on us ladies?

thanks
Ana

Answer
Because men still set the rules?

I don't know, and I don't know that it is "prohibited."  My question is, why are you so concerned about it?  

If just an intellectual question -- it goes back to the nature of the beast ... and to the fact that for many years males made the rules, and also set the cultural norms.  It being promogeniture, and about property (women were the 'property' of men), and a male world, a man wants to know what children are his, before he invests in the tremendous costs of providing for them.  Thus the restraint on women.  Also there are millions of sperm, and one egg.  Get it?  

Yes, it's the most pleasurable thing to both sexes, thus to insure that human beings continue on earth.  

But if you read anthropology, like the great Margaret Mead, you will find there's a culture somewhere that does something different, i.e., a culture where the women run it and run around, have multiple men or husbands, and the men stay home and take care of the kids. There are CULTURAL NORMS as well.  What makes that particular society run well, in the terms of those who establish the rules and norms (again, historically this has been men.)  

After marriage there are tremendous cultural and legal restraints on the sexual expression of men.  

Yes the terms used are different.  All terms for a "loose" woman are derogatory, whereas for men ... playboy, busy guy, macho, etc.  However, men were also in charge of the language for eons.

All the best,
Susan