Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/6/2008

Question
Hello,

So...about 2 years ago I went to my best friend's house for her birthday. (At this time I had been just getting out of a four year relationship;however, it was complicated because we both still loved each other and had all of the same friends, so we were still spending time together occasionally.) My ex and I had been out for our other mutual friend's birthday and he dropped me off and walked me into my friend's house. He said happy birthday to my friend and I gave him a hug goodbye in front of everyone. Then the birthday girl introduced me to her boyfriend's cousin and I'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating because he was so beautiful. We all went upstairs and hung out in her room for a bit (about 7 of us) and everyone was having a few drinks except for me. The beautiful cousin was very nice and friendly, but also very quiet. His cousin (my friend's boyfriend) asked me later that night what the story was with my ex and I and I told him we weren't together but it was complicated. Later on we all went out to a bar. I mainly hung out with the girls, and the guys stuck together. The night wasn't very good because the birthday girl and her boyfriend started fighting. Anyway the beautiful cousin made some weak attempts at conversing with me(when is your birthday? and stuff like that) but I was so nervous i had trouble thinking of things to say. I think he was a little drunk by the end of the night too. We all ended up sleeping in the birthday girl's room. I slept on the floor next to the beautiful cousin along with another girl. We all went out for breakfast the next day and then they brought me home. They invited me to go to the beach the next day with all of them but I had to work. That would be the last time I would get to see the beautiful cousin because he was leaving in 3 days to go overseas for school. A few days later the birthday girl told me that the beautiful cousin kept saying he thought i was "so pretty" that night and the following day, and wanted to talk to me but was too intimidated. My friend's boyfriend said that he is really shy and isn't very experienced with girls. I am really shy too around guys I am interested in so I guess that was a bad combination. I was really excited and I told her that I thought he was really cute too. I went back to college about 2 months later and was on Facebook one day and decided to "friend" him. I'm not sure when, but he eventually accepted. When ever I would see my friend and her boyfriend (the cousin of the beautiful cousin)after that they would always joke around saying that I'm going to marry his cousin. Well I haven't seen him since then because we don't have any mutual friends and we live 40 minutes away from each other. He goes to a military school and his schedule is always different and half the time he is overseas. My friend isn't dating his cousin anymore either so we really have 0 mutual friends. I'm pretty sure he is going to be home this summer though, and for some reason(ridiculous as it sounds) I would like to find a way to hang out with him. I know this is probably crazy, but maybe i just need someone to confirm that for me. I am pretty sure if I contacted him, I would scare him away. I guess my only option is to hope that somehow we run into each other at a bar or a party sometime. However, the chances of that happening aren't great so I don't know what to do. Do you have any suggestions?

Rachel

Answer
Hello Rachel!

No, I'm not going to confirm that at all. Contacting him may be the only way you'll ever see him again. That whole notion of "scaring him away" just pretty archaic and frankly, pretty dumb. If he was interested in you (apparently!) and nobody does anything, it's game-over. What a freakin' waste!

I'm far more concerned with things being long-distance and you can learn more about this concern by going to my website (http://beingaman.com) and watching the videon on LDR's under BAM TV. However, if one or both of you drive, 40 minutes isn't that far away.

Why don't you contact him via the internet and mention that you really wanted to get to know him better, but didn't have much chance at the party. Suggest that you meet up sometime when he's free for a drink. It's pretty casual, extremely low-risk and likely to get something started.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
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