Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/1/2008

Question
I'm a slim, trim, beautiful woman. I have noticed that all the fat, ugly girls at school really hate me despite my not doing anything to them. They are nasty to me and they scream at me when they get mad about stuff.

I'm realy nice to everyone so I don't know why they are so pissed.

I've noticed anytime anyone is mean to me it is always a fat, ugly girl.

How do I avoid all the drama?

Answer
Hello Jillian!

Really? You're all that are you? Do you think that the issue might not be your looks, but your attitude instead?

I live here in Southern California where you can't throw a rock without hitting a truly beautiful woman. I get letters from people all over the world and when someone tells me they're that attractive and send me a picture to "prove it" I'm usually pretty surprised. What ranks as a "9" or "10" in the mid-west for instance, is likely a "6" or maybe a "7" here!

Consider this too - right now is the best you're ever going to look the rest of your life. As you get older, gravity, stress and just age are going to take it's toll on you. Further, you might be surprised at how these "fat, ugly girls" are actually the ones that get dates!

I say this to put things into perspective. The reality is that your looks have very little to do with your social success. There are other things that are far more important than how you look and those looks in no way set you apart from your peers. So, what does? Simple: your attitude and abilities.

I can't say why these girls mistreat you but I'll say this: if you're still in school, I doubt you're being singled-out for this abuse. Young girls (and even boys) can be pretty vicious to each other. I'll bet that you're not the only one getting this abuse - it's just that you're more sensitive to it.

Jillian, EVERYONE feels like they're singled out by others. You're not alone at all. That may not make it feel any better, but everyone gets a chance at being the target sometimes. You need to develop a thicker skin about this. You can't make people be any certain way to you - good or bad - but you can change your own way of dealing with it. In effect, you can "move past it" by not letting it affect you. If these girls mistreat you, you'll just have to learn to be less sensitive about it.

Trust me, you're going to find that others will do the same things your entire life. If you let if affect you, you're never going to reach your goals. What's important isn't their problems at all. It's how you deal with yours.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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