Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/26/2008

Question
is it really that hard for a woman to get a man and then keep a man, marriage etc?

why is it that some women have such a tough time with dating and marriage. is keeping a guys attention really all that hard.

how does a girl get a guy for long term and not just dating.

Answer
Hello Kayla!

No, it's not really that hard, but the reality is that women do a lot of harm to their own causes by playing games, misdirecting, obfuscating issues, etc., etc., etc. Then, instead of accepting responsibility for doing these dumb things and getting them fixed, you blame the guys for them instead.

One of the greatest reasons why this is so is that women continue to propagate these stupid ideas amongst yourselves. Consider this: I've actually seen so-called "experts" (women) right here on this board that actually tell women to do these things! Then, the same women write back after having done them, lost the guy and then wonder what they did wrong! You know what these experts have to say? They claim that the guy was at fault for not playing the game!!

How fucking stupid is that? Answer: it's way, WAY fucking stupid!!

Your last question is actually a really great one. Let me give you an answer from a guy's perspective:

It's pretty simple: drop all the games and pretense. Try to come to dating with an understanding that men are not your opponent - we want to have great, fun, healthy relationships with you too. Seek out healthy dating partners and promise yourself to only deal with those men.

Work on yourself at the same time. You need to bring something to the table! Drop the expectations of entitlement in dating and relationships - you (like everyone else on the planet) are only entitled to a match of what you have to offer.

Unfortunately, many men are actually boycotting western women these days because of this very fact! It's getting so common that there's even a name for these women! ("AmFems" - American women, "UKFems" - British women, "CanFems" - Canadian women, and "AusFems" - Australian women - what does that tell you???)

Consider this fact: men want a partner; someone that deserves their respect, consideration, time, love and support - not someone that simply expects it because she has a vagina. There are a ton of those women out there and they get used, walked on, abused, etc. Don't be one of these! You deserve much, much better Kayla!

Instead, consider what you bring to a relationship and focus on building that as your primary objective. Become the woman of a man's dreams! No man is going to turn down the woman of his dreams. All you need are two things: first, to BE the woman of his dreams; and second, learn how to communicate your values. The very best way to do the latter by the way is through action, not words. We've already heard all the words.

If you do these things, the guys you date are going to be so terrified of losing you that they'll give you their absolute best in order to keep you. Isn't that what you're really after in the first place?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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