Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/25/2008

Question
What do i do?There's this boy in my school that is super attractive but whenever i get near him and he talks to me i spaz.Whatever he says makes me start hysterically laughing and i think im creeping him out.Do i have a chance with him even though i act like i belong in a strait jacket around him?

Answer
Hello Pickle!

Don't worry - a lot of people feel this way. It's purely nervous energy and isn't that difficult to get over. I'll show you how in a minute.

First, you need to get things moving with him. I know you're anxious, but if you don't have some motion going somewhere, things will just die for neglect. So, get over the anxiety and then go talk to him, but let HIM do the talking. Don't think you have to carry on the conversation all by yourself - that's why you're so nervous.

In order to get past this anxiety, don't try to suppress it. There's a natural mechanism built into us that causes the anxiety to grow when we try to push it down. Instead, accept it - and even use it to your advantage! As soon as you stop giving it so much power, it'll fade naturally on it's own.

For instance, when you feel like you want to laugh - do it! Don't try to suppress it at all! Just tell yourself, "This is because I'm a little nervous - it's completely natural and it'll pass." Then, let the laughter go and you'll find that it fades all by itself.

Likewise, when you feel nervous around him, tell him so! Just say, "You know, I get nervous around you and I don't know why." He'll just accept it and will probably try to make you feel calm.

The trick to dealing with these sorts of anxiety reactions isn't to try to fight them at all, it's to let them flow through you - that's why you have the tension in the first place - to off-load all that energy. Do it, and in fact, it'll look charming rather than awkward.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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