AboutSusan Dunn, Dating Coach Expertise I can answer any questions regarding attracting the man of your dreams including preparing yourself, letting it happen, The Rules that work and the rules that don't, meeting him, the first date, the dating relationship, recreating a failing relationship, how to tell if he's serious or not, how to get him to marry you not just date you, romance, everything. I coach clients how to do it step-by-step, and walk them through the process. I've talked with thousands of women ... let me help YOU.
Experience I have had years of experience coaching women on how to meet and marry the man of their dreams. How to catch him and keep him! Also how to get him back when he runs away, or how to get him to marry you when he's committment-shy.
Organizations Founding member of CoachVille and member of original R&D team. Former Board member and former Board chair for numerous local organizations.
Publications I am widely published on the Internet on subjects related to dating, romance and marriage, as well as other lifeskills topics. (It isn't just about "dating," it's about YOU.) I'm rated A-plus on ideamarketers, and my articles regularly appear on websites around the world.
Education/Credentials MA in Clinical Psychology.
Awards and Honors I have an international coaching and consulting practice, I train and certify other coaches worldwide, and have been a regular presenter for the cruise lines.
Past/Present Clients I have helped many, many women find the man of their dreams - and keep him.
Question QUESTION: Why is sex such a powerful bond between a married couple?
Why is it so important to keep up this type of marital relation between husband and wife?
(or romantic relationship, for that matter)
ANSWER: To briefly treat a deep subject ...
Well, because it sets off THE bonding chemical. It's designed to do that. It increases the emotional bonding, and bonding in all aspects. That's why you feel so dizzy, daffy, starry-eyed, and all that. It increases because it is only between the two of you. It's what gets you really bonded to that person. Brain chemicals. Sex releases "the happy chemical," and when you share that, it is wonderful. Wr talk about 'chemistry, because the intial attraction between two people, and the sustained attraction, really does involve brain chemicals.
Why keep it up? Well, for one reason, ideally you are only doing it with one another. That may be the only thing you don't share with someone else. I mean you will love your parents, kids, have friends, share drinks and meals with others ... sex alone, is for that person. Also because it's good for your health and makes you feel good. It keeps you close. It's just designed that way, and works that way.
Dating coaching by phone, email and in person. Don't leave romance to chance! Get coaching.
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QUESTION: What are your thoughts on sex before marriage?
ANSWER: If you're dating for marriage, put off sex for as long as you possibly can. And there's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage.
It's saying who you are and what you want.
Probably the #1 concern of a man when he meets a woman he's attracted to is 'would she be faithful to me.' If you hop into bed with him because he's the man for you, and you rarely or never do this, there is till no way the man can know this for sure.
Men tend to think in a binary fashion and put women immediately into one group or the other, and you want to be in the right group.
There are practical reasons as well. Sex is very im0portant at first, but if you marry there are a TON of other things - is he fun to talk to? Do you work well together you'll be building a life together? How does he treat his family? How does he handle his temper? Is he selfish? Is he fun to talk to? Can he hold a job?
All these things need investigating BEFOREHAND.
Putting it off allows other things to develop. Marriage is about companionship, compatibility, making a life together. You want to slow it down for a man you're dating, because then he will have time to think things through. Smart couples slow it down.
It's up to the woman usually to monitor the pace of the relationship and never did it apply more that "too much too soon" is a bad idea. "Save something for later"!
All the bes,
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QUESTION: Well I'm 26 years old and saving myself for marriage. But the thing is, at this age, I'm having some issues.
First of all, I'm not going to date men younger than me. Don't get me wrong, younger men are WONDERFUL and I don't discriminate against age. There are many younger men that make great husbands. Just for my sake, though, I don't think I'd have much in common with a 21 year old. On the same token, I don't want a much older man either.
So basically I'd rather want to date men in the 26-30 age range.
However, almost no man in this age range wants to date a virgin, or even if he doesn't care that I'm a virgin, he's not going to date me for too long without expecting sex.
Many men view sex as in "investment" and a virgin as "sexually immature"
A lot of men think, if she doesn't want to invest in me, why should I bother with her?
So how do I go about this issue. The older the man is, the more he expects a MATURE, SEXUAL relationship.
Any advice?
Answer Yes, there is a male dating coach (or two) that use that phrase "investing." But what are you investing in? First of all, as you say, if what a man wants is sex, there's plenty of that around. That isn't your problem. If he wants sex with you, so what? If he wants to make love to you, to have the physical as part of a meaningful relationship with a committment ... that's a different story. And it means building a relationship foundation first. Sex is nice. Making love is one of the wonders of the world.
The way to go about this issue is to be who you are, stand up for what you want ... and this will at the same time make you something special and worth investing in - investing something of value. Sex these days (as if it were new), is a commodity of little value. Look at it this way - if he is so impatient, how is this going to play out in the long run? Impatience doesn't play well with the serious things in life, such as parenting children, forging careers, building wealth, mainting excellent health. Most of what we deal with in life (in marriage), takes time and patience and is about delayed gratification.
Put another way, when a man acts this way, he is telling you who he is ... and giving you a chance to get away, to avoid being "sadder but wiser," and to ultimately have dodged a bullet.
The "sexually mature" statement kind of makes me laugh. The ultimately "sexually experienced" female would be a prostitute. Don't fall for that one.
I think you have it all in place. Yes, of course, you should date guys right around your age. Explore their values, interests, how they treat others, their capacity to work for what they want and to delay gratification - which is, in large part, maturity. Also their emotional intelligence - you need emotional intelligence to maintain and sustain a viable relationship. Sex techniques you can read in a manual. Eeew.
Remember that "having sex" and "making love" aren't even on the same planet. (And note the wording - you MAKE love. Indeed you do, over time, by actions and behaviors.)
Lastly, no good man, the kind who would make a good husband and father to your children, who loves you, will mind waiting. And you can take that statement to the bank.
Avoid 'discussing' this. It isn't something to 'argue' about. If you do not believe sex belongs outside marriage, state it. You owe no explanation. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know about him, and is a great way of getting rid of the losers. A good relationship is built on mutual trust, respect and integrity. When you stand up for what you believe in, you will be respected. You will also be taking care of your life, which is something you create; and you want a man willing to take care of the life you will have together.
