AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise Literally, any question related to finding and meeting the man of your dreams. I am the top-rated expert in "General Dating Questions", "How to Attract the Woman of your Dreams" and "Places to Meet People". In fact, over the past few years, I've answered over 20,000 letters from readers, have written 600 articles, written numerous books, recorded CD's and DVD's, done hundreds of radio and tv shows and have millions of readers all over the world.
Experience I've written many books on every aspect of dating, sex and relationships. My new book, "How Women Can Approach Men" is already quickly becoming one of our best-sellers! Women have many tools at their disposal and shouldn't have to wait for "Mr. Right" to come along!
After reading some of the advice the women in this section are getting from other women, I think it's a good idea to offer a man's perspective.
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Is there a successful way to ask a man out on a date? It seems that I'm not doing it correctly. Or perhaps I'm picking the wrong guys, but it is hard for me to tell without getting to know the guy personally. I'm willing to take chances but don't know how to structure it.
All the guys I ask out initially give me great buying signals but when we go out it's very lackluster. He seems not into me anymore.
I'm glad these men are up front and not wasting my time or leading me on, but I have to wonder. Maybe I should go for guys who show me a LOT of interest only?
All the successful relationships I've seen have had the man asking the woman out and the man structuring the relationship into a serious one...but I have to think there are certainly couple where the woman does this, but it's not talked about since it's not the norm.
Any ideas?
Thanks for the input!!!
Theresa
Answer Hello Theresa!
First of all, I'm very proud of you for doing the asking. Many women just won't make that move and sit around home waiting and waiting. At least you're talking the initiative to move things forward. You're also right, it's not the norm, but I think that is a waste.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
First, no, you shouldn't be waiting for tons of interest early on. In fact, that many work against you! Most men have no reason to show tons of interest until they get to know you too. Your first dates aren't always about connection and chemistry. I like to think of them more as the interview process.
As to the types of men you approach, that can make some difference. For instance, you want your style to match the guy's style too. If you're more a "granola girl" and you're approaching only suits, that isn't a great match. You want to try to date not only guys you find attractive but within your "style" too.
When you're on a date, there has to be as much connection coming from you as from him. If he's willing to accept your approach (and frankly, most guys are) then he wants to see what you're all about. If you leave it up to him to try to create fireworks during the date, you're only doing half the job. Do you see the disconnect here?
The reason why you see most successful relationships that started with the guy approaching is simply because that's how the vast majority of them start! It's mostly a numbers game rather than a logistical game; although there are some key elements to that as well. Men are going to react somewhat differently on a date that you set up than the ones they set up. It's not a bad thing - just different.
You also have to make sure your expectations are reasonable. If you approach a guy, he's not instantly going to be chasing you. You have to meet him at least half way - and that includes answering the phone when he calls, returning his voicemails, emails and texts, etc. You can't play all the dumb "girl games" with these guys and in fact, you should never play them anyway.
I hope that helps!
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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