Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 7/9/2008

Question
QUESTION: I have been in a relationship with a man for a year and a half.  We live 4 hours apart, and spend the weekend together every two weeks.  I have adequate income not to have to work, but he will work until retirement.  I have offered to move to his location to be near him, but have not been encouraged.  He tells me he will begin to spend winters with me, at my home, in two more years.  We are in contact through email or phone nearly every day.  

On his most recent visit to me, he described himself as "unpredictable".  Although I made no comment, this raised a red flag with me, along with his not encouraging me to move to be near him.  There have been other "trust" issues, but most have been proven to be baseless after a period of time.

He is now mentioning marriage and becomes insecure if he doesn't hear from me every day.  

An added element is his request to borrow money.

Yes, I absolutely adore this man, but because of my trust issues, I am on the verge of breaking it off with him without explanation and never contacting him again.  I feel this would be the only way I would be able to walk away from him permanently.  It would be very very hard to deal with for a few months, but wouldn't have lasting effects.

Have I given you enough information to have insight into this relationship?

Thank you in advance.   



ANSWER: Hello Jerrie!

Yes, I think you've told me everything except for one thing: you didn't bother asking me any questions. What is it you want to know?

I'm good, but I don't read minds.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: You're right....I didn't ask questions....and thank you for your fast response, too.

My questions are:

Does his disinclination to have me near him suggest he's hiding things?

Do the requests to borrow money seem a danger signal?

Is an "unpredictable" man someone I would even be wise to invest more time in?



ANSWER: Hey Jerrie!

The system doesn't let me respond to your rating comments so I wanted to do so here.

No, the items I sent you to are FREE. Yes, there are some subscription elements on my site, but I never refer someone to those as a form of help unless there's no other way. Frankly, that would be pretty unethical.

Go to http://beingaman.tv, (note the ".tv") click on Videos, then Self Help and then watch the video on Trust. It's entirely no-cost.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"



Hello again Jerrie!

Here are your answers:

No.

No.

No.

I see enough problems with this situation including the long-distance and your apparent lack of connection to him. Your problem with trust however is a huge one. You're blaming him for them when in fact, your trust issues are yours alone.

Go to my website (http://beingaman.tv) click on "videos" and watch the video on trust under "self help".

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you.  I would like to "re-rate".  You're not only helpful, but you are a HOOT!  (That's "cowgirl" lingo for a man who's....let's say.... "entertaining").

Answer
Hey Jerrie!

Yes, I'm from the SouthWest (Los Angeles) so I'm pretty up on my cowboy (cowgirl?) lingo.

You can re-rate me from this reponse (up OR down!)

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"