Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 7/7/2008

Question
Hi,

There was one guy I liked a lot, and I made it very clear that I was interested in him. We were always cracking jokes together. I asked for his number and email and messaged him a few times on instant messenger. He seemed to find me attractive and I could have sworn he liked me back, but he never took it further than that. Now he is dating another girl.

One of his friends told me, "yes he does think you are very attractive and he is interested in you, but he sees you as the type of girl he wants to marry in the future, and he is not ready for that yet."

Hmm.

I never knew I gave that kind of impression off to men...hmmm...because I'm getting my life settled so I haven't seriously thought about marriage yet, for me isn't for another 5-10 years at least. I don't feel mature enough.

But it's funny that I would give that kind of impression off to a man? I'm not looking to get married right now?

I just want to date and have fun right now...maybe in some more time have a serious relationship if I really do care about the guy...I guess if he's the right one yes I would marry him...but that's WAAAAAAAAAY in the future for me right now...

I guess in a way it's not a bad thing, at least he doesn't think I'm disposable or trashy...

But what do u think of this situation?

We have really good chemistry together. Do you think I should still chat with him occassionaly and see if leads to something more in the future?

Or just forget this guy and move on to some available men who actually WANT to be with me?

Answer
A couple of things here ...

Many young men DO realize they aren't 'ready' for marriage yet, and so they date the "other" kind of girl.  It isn't uncommon.  What he said was a compliment to you, even though you may have wished to be dating him.  But try and see it as not a big loss.  Smart girls don't waste time on guys who aren't interested.  Just keep moving forward.  If he's dating someone else, let it be.  He could get back to you in the future, but by then I bet you've found someone far better for you, who returns your affections.    

If you read my column here you know that I don't recommend pursuing a guy - ever.  

He meant HE isn't ready to get married now.  That's what he was talking about.

Bless it and let it go.  I have a feeling there is someone a lot better out there for you.  

P.S.  Don't invest emotionally in guys until you get sure signs of their intentions.  Keep your head about you!

Good luck,
Susan Dunn
Dating coach
THE BLOG:  http://datingcoachblog.wordpress.com