Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 7/16/2008

Question
Hi... I am 40 and am single.... But believe or not.. I am actually fine being single... I have a great job.. great friends whom I can count on.. family.. (although they are far away).. and the most precious cat.. Yes.. I am proud being a 40 year old cat lady... But a lot of my friends keep nagging me to date.. right now.. even date guys i am not attracted too.. just for the sake of dating...

Well right now.. I am getting over a relationship that didn't work... I do need time for me... is that okay?

I am also feeling the pressure to have boyfriend.. because the girlfriends of my male friends.. appear to think i am a threat.. eventhough I do nothing to encourage that.. I don't flirt with my male friends... or anything like that.. they were either ex-s for YEARS gone  by or old high school friends...  SHOULD I BE DATING SO I AM LESS OF A THREAT TO WOMEN?
Also .. when I least expect it.. I end up meeting amazing people.. that I end up dating.. sometime it turns into a serious relationship.. or something that lasts a few months.

these guys were great guys.. great friendship.. spark in the conversation.. the attraction was there.. but we never ended up making a life-long committment.. So I chalked it up to them not being the right guy for me...  

But then i have dated the guys that "look good on paper".. I go out on several dates to see if they will grow on me.. but they don't... they are nice and considerate.. important things in a relationship.. but there is no spark.. no challenge in the conversation.. no attraction..

Is it possible to have it all.. meaning the one who will be your best friend... but also makes your knees buckle...

or if i am looking for a life partner.. is it better to settle for looks good on paper...no passion...

not sure what to do.. for now.. or what's the best way to meet people... HELP!!  

Answer
I will answer in CAPS, because that's the only way I can on this site!

Hi... I am 40 and am single.... But believe or not.. I am actually fine being single... I have a great job.. great friends whom I can count on.. family.. (although they are far away).. and the most precious cat.. Yes.. I am proud being a 40 year old cat lady... But a lot of my friends keep nagging me to date.. right now.. even date guys i am not attracted too.. just for the sake of dating...  I'M GLAD YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR SITUATION.  EACH OF US WILL AT SOME TIME LIKELY LIVE 'ALONE,' AND IT'S GOOD TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT.  NO SENSE IN DATING JUST BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS WANT YOU TO.  TELL THEM TO DATE!!

Well right now.. I am getting over a relationship that didn't work... I do need time for me... is that okay?  OF COURSE.  IN FACT WE RECOMMEND IT.  

I am also feeling the pressure to have boyfriend.. because the girlfriends of my male friends.. appear to think i am a threat.. eventhough I do nothing to encourage that.. I don't flirt with my male friends... or anything like that.. they were either ex-s for YEARS gone  by or old high school friends...  SHOULD I BE DATING SO I AM LESS OF A THREAT TO WOMEN?  OF COURSE NOT.  THAT'S ABOUT THEM, NOT ABOUT YOU.

Also .. when I least expect it.. I end up meeting amazing people.. that I end up dating.. sometime it turns into a serious relationship.. or something that lasts a few months.

these guys were great guys.. great friendship.. spark in the conversation.. the attraction was there.. but we never ended up making a life-long committment.. So I chalked it up to them not being the right guy for me...  GOOD ASSESSMENT!

But then i have dated the guys that "look good on paper".. I go out on several dates to see if they will grow on me.. but they don't... they are nice and considerate.. important things in a relationship.. but there is no spark.. no challenge in the conversation.. no attraction..

Is it possible to have it all.. meaning the one who will be your best friend... but also makes your knees buckle... I THINK SO.  THERE MAY BE MORE EMPHASIS IN ONE AREA THAN ANOTHER.  REMEMBER, YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE PERSON THOUGH; AND LIVING WITH SOMEONE IT NOT A ROMANCE.

or if i am looking for a life partner.. is it better to settle for looks good on paper...no passion...

not sure what to do.. for now.. or what's the best way to meet people... HELP!!

EMAIL ME FOR DATING COACHING!  YOU ARE IN EXACTLY THE PLACE WHERE IT WOULD BE A TREMENDOUS INVESTMENT FOR YOU.  sdunn@susandunn.cc.  We can set a time to have a talk and I can walk you through some of this confusion you are in.   

All the best,
Susan Dunn, M.A.
THE DATING COACH
http://datingcoachblog.blogspot.com
http://datingcoachblog.wordpress.com