Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 7/21/2008

Question
i have been using a dating website now for sometime and i have met some lovely guys, and i have met one just recently that actually ticks all my boxes, (i wouldn't class myself as fussy but i refuse to have or be second best)and when we went on our first date, we got on so well not only did we have lunch but supper too, along with going bowling, it was a great day/eve, he then called me the very next morning to arrange another date (i did not call or text him, i let him do the leg work)we arranged to meet up that night to go to the cinema that night, which was pleasant after he dropped me off he called me to arrange another night, which was dinner at his house on the Friday (by this time i was worried simply as he was showing so much interest, as he was texting & mailing aswell as calling all through the day) the eve went very well, met his flat mate and he said he thinks he has landed on his feet with me.(he has been single for 4 years and says he is quite happy in his own company but is lonely and wants to find his mate for life)i ended up going to dinner again with him on the sat, he said i tick all the right boxes and the talk of future was had - he said he will miss me when i go on hols but thats if we are still together! stuff like that which confused me as it seems he is confused, i did let him know to begin with i want a relationship, long term preferred, the best way i can describe it between me & him is - we are very alike in what we both want, we get on brilliantly........!! this is where it goes a little pear shaped, i last spoke to him a week ago on the Sunday, he said he had a very busy week coming up and he would try and call me, he eventually texted on the Sunday a week later and apologized asked how i been etc, i left it nearly 2 hours before i texted him back, i still have had no reply, this is where i don't know what to do next, do i call him (which worries me as i don't want it to feel like i am chasing him)or wait for him to call me back being as he knew my number so well to begin with, i like this guy alot,i do see a future with this guy and i so do not want to screw it up, (he ticks all my boxes but i just haven't told him that)

what do i do next?

Answer
Dear Rebecca,

We can't really know his reasons for this ... and I love that phrase "pear-shaped".  What's for sure is that good relationships progress slowly.  I even had a man client tell me the other day (we got him married!), "I knew she was the one for me so I wanted to slow it way down."

He may have gotten ahead of himself.  It happens.  Do NOT contact him.  Men fall in love in the spaces.  

It isn't good to spend that much time together early-on, BTW.  First date should be about an hour at most.  (Always leave them wanting more.)  Certainly not ALL DAY and then again the next day.  That's way too much too soon.

email me for dating coaching at sdunn@susandunn.cc and we can set a time to talk about this if you like.

In the meantime, sit tight.  It is virtually impossible to redeem a relationship after a woman makes even one pursuit.  That's just the way it is.  

If he's interested, he'll get back to you.  Help him slow it down.  Don't be so available.  That's just the way it works best.

All the best,
Susan Dunn, M.A.
Dating Coach
THE DATING BLOG:  http://datingcoachblog.wordpress.com
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