Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 7/6/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hey Dennis,

This is kinda embarassing.

Ok I really like a guy at school. So the other day him and my other guy friends and me were sitting together (I was the only girl at the lunch table) and throughout their whole conversation they were talking about guy stuff, so I smartly kept my mouth shut. Later on they were talking about a porn movie they had seen and I accidently blurted out "yeah man the naked chicks in it were ugly!"

All the guys burst out laughing hysterically, because I seem like a sweet innocent girl and everyone knows I'm a virgin and I've never had a boyfriend. So I guess they were surprised that a virgin girl would watch porn.

Now the guy I like...whenever I run into him...whenever he sees me he has this smirk on his face...

What's the smirk for?

So should I approach him, or not?

I can't tell if he thinks it's hot, or he is just laughing at me. So not sure if I should ask for his number.

Oh yeah, and I like him as a person, not a sex toy. I don't want him to think that if we got together, I would just use him and leave him, I genuinely do care about him.

xx
Candace

ANSWER: Hello Candace!

Haven't I answered this exact same question for you a number of times before this? What, you didn't like my answers the previous times and you're fishing for something new?

I don't read minds. Not then, and not now. I don't know what the smirk is for. Did you both to ask him? He's the only one that knows.

Regardless of what's on his mind, OF COURSE you should approach him! It's obvious he's isn't going to approach you for whatever dumb reason. If neither of you do anything, then nothing is going to happen. That's pretty clear, don't you think.

As far as you using him as a sex toy; you couldn't be more off-base here. Both he AND I hope you use him as a sex toy! He doesn't think you're going to dump him. These are worries that women have, not men. We don't think like that.

On the flip side, I hope you get your virginity cured. You have a lot of life ahead of you and having good skills in the bedroom is a critical part of your education!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Why do you think men in general don't approach me? I notice the ones who don't are usually the ones that have a LOT of options so they aren't really looking in the first place, they have women coming on to them constantly...so they never go after girls...

Oh yeah...and what kind of worries do men have?

How exactly do men think?

I'm clueless.

Answer
Hello again Candace!

Maybe it's your breath.

Obviously, I don't know you so I can't say why men don't approach you. On the other hand, it could be many things. You seem to be hanging around a bunch of guys and makes you one of them. Guys don't date each other. If you want guys to approach you, maybe it's time to be a girl - and no, I'm not talking about liking porn!

I don't get this point: if they don't approach you and they have lots of other options, where's your confusion? It's obvious that these guys are going after easier targets and you're making things too difficult for them to approach you. Now, before you write to me and ask me why this is true - I can't possibly know why. I don't know you as I've already said.

"What kind of worries to men have?" "How exactly do men think?"

Wow Candace, let's see if I can write an entire book for you right here, ok?

These are FAR too big to answer here! They WOULD take entire books, but let me say this: women tend to be their own worst enemies when it comes to dating. You girls do all sorts of incredibly stupid things, play really dumb games, and then wonder why guys won't approach you. When they do approach, you start playing all sorts of new games and just totally blow them out of the water. I see it all the time!

In fact, I even see other women TELLING you to do these things! It's shocking to me how hard you girls work at NOT dating.

If you have a SPECIFIC question, I'd be happy to answer it. You might also consider calling in to my new show and we can answer it on the air. Check my website (http://beingaman.tv) for details.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"