AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise Literally, any question related to finding and meeting the man of your dreams. I am the top-rated expert in "General Dating Questions", "How to Attract the Woman of your Dreams" and "Places to Meet People". In fact, over the past few years, I've answered over 20,000 letters from readers, have written 600 articles, written numerous books, recorded CD's and DVD's, done hundreds of radio and tv shows and have millions of readers all over the world.
Experience I've written many books on every aspect of dating, sex and relationships. My new book, "How Women Can Approach Men" is already quickly becoming one of our best-sellers! Women have many tools at their disposal and shouldn't have to wait for "Mr. Right" to come along!
After reading some of the advice the women in this section are getting from other women, I think it's a good idea to offer a man's perspective.
Organizations Numerous boards and commissions, civic organizations, etc.
Publications Thousands of websites, magazines, radio and TV.
Question QUESTION: Hello. I am a 36 year old woman and I'm dating a 29 year old man. When we were first dating he was still a virgin and was very shy. (I've been married before and sadly lost my husband to lung cancer) So Dave and I had been friends for a long while, I had to prod him a lot and give a lot of nudges since he was very shy with girls, and he hadn't had any prior relatoinships, despite being very attractive. So we finally got together, his old girlfriend dumped him because she wanted a man with more experience. So yeah the first time we had sex I didn't know he was a virgin, and it really sucked terribly. But since I care for him I still stuck around...and guess what...he's improved tremendously! He's really willing to learn and try new things, and so far we've done it a few times and it keeps getting better and better! So now I wonder. Do you think people nowadays are too quick to write someone off if they don't sexually satisfy them? Becuase this guy used to be lousy, but I gave him a lot of love and patience, and he was willing to improve to please me, and now he does. But if i had just dumped him like other girls did, I would have been lonely and miserable, and not been with such a wonderful man.
You think its important to give people a chance, virgin or not? I'm certainly glad i stuck around for this guy. but most women would not stay or be this patient.
ANSWER: Hello Tonya!
You bet! People DO expect fireworks in bed because that's all you hear about. When someone lacks skills, that's the face they bring not only to the bedroom but to the relationship itself. It's also why I harp on people to get those skills early and quickly.
The worst culprits of this however are women, not men. Men are sex-focused so we often spend time trying to learn skills. Women are relationship-focused and often just expect their partners to teach them.
Here's an interesting bit of knowledge about this: according to my own research, between men and women 90% of all people believe they are above average in bed. Men report about 95% and women about 88%. When asked how their lovers fare however, men report that less than 10% of their partners are "good in bed". That's some disconnect, don't you think?
There's a number of reasons for this including:
* Women are far more sexually complicated than men
* Women don't usually make the effort to learn about their own sexualities and thus, can't explain them to their partners
* Women are far more likely to answer the question, "What do you like in bed" with "oh, just about everything" - a total and complete cop-out
* Men usually don't complain about anything - we're just happy to be getting laid!
...etc.
It's not just enough to give them a chance, we all have to see it as our jobs (for our own selfish benefit if need be) to help educate our partners - and ourselves. That goes for men AND women.
Good job by the way! I'm proud of you for sticking in there - and for him being willing to learn.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you Dennis. Yes, I don't believe you should just dump someone if they're a virgin. If the virgin really likes you, they are usually stressed out and afraid of not pleasing you, so they try desperately to please you.
Well Dave really loves me and I love him...he is the marriage kind of guy...I do care for him, and I want to date him longer, but yes I could see myself with him. He has a very gentle, calm, steady, peaceful nature I don't find in many men.
Do you see any problems that our age difference might give us if we marry? It's less than a decade.
Answer Hello again Tonya!
No, there's no issue with your ages. It's only 7 years! Frankly, I'm more concerned that he hasn't "sowed his wild oats" yet however. Somehow the fact that he married (if you do) the first girl he had sex with is going to play some factor here. To what degree however, I can't know. I suppose it depends on how well you continue to satisfy him too.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
