Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/20/2009

Question
QUESTION: Many years ago there was a man interested in me and I was attracted to him. Much more than I wanted to be, but I resisted. He chased, I ran, why...because he had a reputation I knew he just wanted one thing. Now years later he has made a 360 turn and become a minister. I am as interested as I ever was, especially now, but don't know how to see if he still is or may be interested in me. He always asks my daughter did I tell her how he used to chase after me.  He didn't ask for my number, but he gave me his card and said call me but I don't know if it was out of politeness or some hidden message that he really wanted me to call.

I saw him at a funeral and sent a text complimenting him on the eulogy and told it did my heart good to hear and see him.  He did call back to thank me and told me to keep in touch. I am not sure how to ask is he seeing anyone and I want him to know I am interested in him, but I want to save face just in case he's not.  I can't get my mind off of him and I think about him all the time.  Any advice is greatly appreciated!

ANSWER: He knows how to reach you and has not. A man who is really interested will pursue.  It's confusing when they give you their phone number, but don't call him.  Let him call you.  He will, if he is interested.

Susan Dunn, M.A.
www.susandunn.cc

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: OUCH, that's not what I wanted to hear and especially the way it sounds, like just flat out "NO, he is not interested in you".  Which now I guess is okay, because I recently found out that he has divorced his wife, had two children out of wedlock, and one being with a married woman.  I guess it is easier to hear he hasn't changed and you don't need or want that in your life. He talks the bibical talk but doesn't walk the walk. I am just so lonely and afraid of growing old alone! Still I can't help how I feel about him, but I definetly don't like the things I've learned either. I know I deserve better, but no one likes rejection.

Answer
My goodness.  That doesn't sound good, the way he's been behaving.  It looks like you may have dodged a bullet.  Why would you want a man like that?

Once you fall, it takes time to let go of the feelings, but you will with time.  It never works to act under time pressure.  You have plenty of time to find a man who would be good for you.  

But there's one way to treat time that's important.  We do not waste our time where men are concerned.  If they are not interested, we move on, quickly.  There are other fish in the sea!  If they are not asking you out, then move on.  

All the best,
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc