Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/27/2009

Question
QUESTION: I'm a 27 year old woman and I don't have a boyfriend. I have not had too much experience with men since I'm still a virgin, although I have been nude and taken showers with a boyfriend before. I'm very beautiful.

Every day my mom keeps complaining that I'm not married yet. She says I'm ugly, I'm not pretty, no man would want me.

I'm in the middle of getting a doctorate degree.

It's getting annoying. What should I tell her?
Anna

ANSWER: Try just smiling, taking a breath, and changing the subject.  If you don't 'reinforce' this game, it will die of its own accord. In other words, don't take the bait.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I am not going to have sex before marriage. That is what I have decided.

However, I am wondering how far I should let a man go with me? I've been nude in the shower with a man several times and it was very loving, I don't regret it at all.

Should I just keep it at that? Or not let any man get to see me naked at all until marriage?

thanks

Answer
Dear Anna,

Here's a meta-description.  When you are looking for marriage, you have to control the pace of the relationship. It is also not fair to tease a man.  You will have to draw your own lines in the sand.    

Generally you want to conduct yourself so that he knows you want marriage, and that you are not comfortable with sex outside of marriage.  I don't have time to go into the Rules on this, but if you want coaching, let me know - sdunn@susandunn.cc.  

You want to be "easy to be with, but hard to get."  This does not include "leading a man on."  If you let him in your house after a date, for instance, what is he going to think?  And if it doesn't happen he's going to be both confused and angry, and that's not nice.  You want to date for months, even a year, if you are considering marriage, becaue there's a lot you need to learn about one another.  So don't set up a situation of excessive frustration for the man.  If he loves you, and wants a committed relationship, he can wait.  It would be becoming to you to help with all that by keeping it at a manageable level.  

Good dating etiquette for men and women both, is not to lead the other person on.

Good luck!
Susan Dunn
www.susandunn.cc
THE DATING COACH BLOG:  http://datingcoachblog.blogspot.com
sdunn@susandunn.cc

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