Expert: L.E. Coleman - 1/4/2009

Question
Hi Mr. Coleman. it's Cassie again. This time my question is much simpler. Before I ask I want to give thanks for everything you have taught me. To refresh I am the girl that asked "why did I do that?" just before Christmas. My question today is simple... Every time i go out w/ a guy he asks me "why don't you have a boyfriend?" what is the most attractive way to answer this question? I feel like no matter how i answer it somehow sends out a red flag or appears as if i am feeding them a bunch of bs. Basically I dont have a boyfriend because im dont seem to be attracted to the men that are attracted to me and the men that i am attracted to dont seem to be attracted to me. i cant tell my dates that!

Answer
Hi Cassie.

Here are some quickies for you.  And you're right--there is no easy answer for this question because it's a loaded question and no answer may seem like it's sufficient.  That is to say, any answer you give can sound like bullshit to whoever you're talking to because the person who ask this questions already has some preconceived notion about you before he asks it.  So why not have fun with it since you really can't tell them the truth.  Here are some ice breakers.

1. Because I've been waiting on you, stupid.

2. Tell me why you want to know and I'll tell you. ( This leaves you open to give just about any answer to his questions, and you can also find out why he doesn't have a girlfriend.)

3. I'm such a great catch that it's going to take someone very special to get me--am I talking to someone special right now?

4. Tell my why you think I don't have a boyfriend. (Again, this opens up the conversation to take things further.

On a more serious note you can get a little more closer to the truth without telling all.

5. I haven't found that person who I'm truly compatible with.

6. Relationships are just too important to rush into.  It's better to be safe than sorry. Should I be sorry for having this conversation with you?


When you're ask this question respond from your gut.  Just remember that it's not so much the question but the person's perception of you that that causes him to ask it.  You want to find out his true thoughts about you--so flip the question around in your favor.  

Happy New Year Cassie

L.E.Coleman