Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 1/15/2009

Question
QUESTION: Am i being too paranoid or just impatient?I have now been on three dates with this girl - one lunch and two dinner. Last time I went to an expensive one cos that was all that was available. She flirted and said how attractive I was. She came back to mine and we had some fun but not all the way as she was coming on and she wouldn't stay the night cos she didn't know me well enough and didn't want to go the whole way.  We vaguely arranged lunch the next  day, which I suggested. I rang her as needed to know, but she couldn't make it as a friend was having man troubles but it wouldn't be fun as she had heard it before. She said she would ring and we would go out on tue/ wed as not sure when she was meeting her uni friend. I haven't heard and was wondering if I have been too keen and scared her off or is this the dating game? What do you think and what should I do? She is 34  and I don't know if I wait for her to ring or can I ring her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

ANSWER: A date ... call on Weds. for Sat. night.  No having her back to your place, or you, to hers.  That she came back to your place on just the 3rd date is not a good sign - on her part. I don't recommend women who are serious about dating do this, and one of the reasons why (it is too early) is that it freaks everyone out.  Also gives the man a wrong, or a confusing, impression.  

She may well have freaked herself out.  It happens.  (i.e., "now what??")  

I also don't recommend women call men.

What to do?  If you like her and want to continue the relationship, wait a couple of days and then make a fresh start.  Call mid-week and aske her out for a real date on the weekend, like Sat. night, for dinner.  These are signals to a woman. She can say "yes" or "no."  When you take her on the date, take her home after dinner, give her a kiss at the doorstep and and say good night.  

Proceed.

In other words - dating.  Don't 'vaguely arrange' the next get-together.  This waaaay too early in the relationship.

For dating coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .  

All the best,
Susan Dunn
http://datingcoachblog.blogspot.com
www.susandunn.cc

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for that. Previously we have actually arranged dates so I think she knows I like her. On the last date she was constantly leaning towrds me, which I guess is flirting.We have gone back to mine after all three dates. She texted me saying 'how was my week? she was at home with flu bug- such a bore xx' the flu. Yes I do like her and agree that it all seems a bit quick. Thought I would text saying 'Had a really good week. Sorry to hear you aren't well but let's catch up when you are better.' Then presumably I ring the middle of next week?

Answer
You got it.  It's fine if it's a social lie, or "little white lie."  She needed the break ... sick, or just nerves.

Nerves IS part of the dating game, and only if you really like the person.  When there's nothing on the line, no nerves.

She's responded and you're back on track.  Yes, ring middle of next week.

Good luck!

Susan