Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 10/13/2009

Question
Please advice me. My ex broke up with me after having a relationship of a year because he thought I did'nt support him and that I placed my families needs before him. he then moved to another city. Eversince we broke up he is insisting on being my best friend saying things like he still cares alot about me, he misses me but that he fell out of love with me. Last nite we talked and I mentioned that I might be moving to his City it all depends on what God has in plan form me for the future and he sai he hopes that God's plan sends me to his city so I can be close to him. I realy badly want to win him back the only problem is he has a new girfriend. Please please I need advice on how to win my man back over a long distance from a prettier, younger version URGENTLY.

Answer
Dear Rina,

I'm sorry you're in this ambivalent position.  I guess to "win him back" you could go there and present yourself.  Unfortunately, I don't support that decision and I wonder why you would want him back.  Men that leave and then don't leave, are not a good choice for a partner.  He left your city and broke the relationship with you ... and now he wants to be best friends???  Step back and take a look at what's going on here.  

The advice I would give you, which you don't exactly ask for, is that you should never pursue a man.  It doesn't work.  And that he is being most unkind and most unthoughtful to leave (sort of) and then try and drag you back into it.  

It also bothers me that you say "prettier, younger version." Have faith in yourself.  Here's what I would say:  He's her PROBLEM now, and you dodged a bullet.  

There is always an "if."  IF he decided he wanted you, and IF he decided to treat you right, he would come to you.  The man pursues.  THe rules of courtship are hard-wired.  

All the best,
Susan Dunn, M.A.
The Dating Coach
www.susandunn.cc