Expert: Susan Dunn, Dating Coach - 10/17/2009

Question
I am a 23 year old woman and I have never really had a real boyfriend.  Anytime I have ever liked a guy, I have done everything in my power to make it appear that I don't like him.  I can never let a guy know that I have romantic feelings for him until I am 100% sure that he likes me.  And even then, it is still hard for me to show my feelings to a guy.  I am horrified of having my heart broken, and because of that, I have never fully given myself to anyone.
I am now an adult and am ready to settle down and be with someone.  I am a funny, smart, outgoing, attractive woman, so I don't understand why it is so difficult to meet men.  I want to meet someone, get married, and start a family.  I don't know what to do to meet men, and once I have met them, I don't know what to do to make myself apparent to them and show them that I am attracted to them.
I am tired of playing games and ready to take control of my romantic life!

Answer
Dear Katie,

You would be an ideal candidate for coaching.  Email meat sdunn@susandunn.cc.

To begin with, nobody gets "control" over romantic life.  It's chaotic - wonderful, and generally out-of-control.

You know what you want, so, start dating.  You can meet people out, at school, work, and the Internet is great.  Don't take the lead, let the guy pursue.  You can 'wink' at a guy or email, but actually your cool approach is best.  Guys know how to ask women out and if a guy's interested, he will.  You then 'shape' the relationship ... I can tell you how, but it's too long to write.  Even one coaching session on the phone would be helpful for you.  You want to date - enjoy the process, and not lead with "I want to get married."  But by your behavior you show that you are not dating just to date, but are ready to settle down.  Men do not like women who are aggressive in dating (or anything else).  It's not the same personality as you present at work.  

Are you on match.com?  That seems to work well for most people.  I can help you write your profile.


This all requires the man taking the lead, so practice your meeting and greeting skills, and your flirting skills.  There's free stuff online.  Coaching sessions would be the best, and in your case, a real investment in your future.

All the best,
Susan Dunn, M.A.
www.susandunn.cc
sdunn@susandunn.cc